i'm home now, and my internal clock is fucked up beyond recognition. so if anyone wants to hang out and catch up at 4.00 a.m., let me know because i'm down.

fun parts about coming home:

*kid sisters freaked out upon seeing me. like, freaked out.

*sister put up balloons, drawing by the girls, and blasted the theme song from 'welcome back kotter' as i walked into the house.

*seeing how gigantic baby sister is now that she is seven months old and actually doing things like trying to grab your face, sitting up by herself and hitting at her toys.

*cuddles from boyfriend.

less-than-fun parts about coming home:

*having internal clock screwed up.

*kid sisters are begging me to 'do the schmoop,' a hand puppet character i invented and desperately hoped they would forget about while i was in europe.

*baby sister has no idea who the fuck i am and screams when i try to drool all over her.

*knowing that i am leaving for about four months and when i return, i will be like a random stranger to baby sister. so sad, for me at least, especially when compared to the role i played with kid sisters when they were that age.

i'm in paris, and yet i cannot wait to go home. how carrie bradshaw am i??

i think that my perception of places is colored by my attitude while i'm there. for example, as soon as i left the train station in milan, an italian cab driver did not listen to my directions and then called me a 'putana' (whore) when he realized he took me to the wrong place. surprisingly, no matter how many nice things were there, i couldn't get into milan after that.

i was happy in nice because my hostel was close to the train station so i got to drop off my luggage and not pick it up again for a few days. and i saw great museums there.

i am not overjoyed at paris because i go home in two days - just two days! - and i am overly anxious. besides, i am tired of traveling alone. people are so much more important than places and things. everyone knows that in theory, but you don't fully realize it until you go to really amazing places and see really amazing things, but all you can think about are really amazing people.

crepes, on the other hand, are not something that need to be shared to be fully appreciated. i had a nutella crepe today, and to be honest, if boyfriend were here and tried to share it with me, i might have smacked him.

i'm going to paris!

and then home!

and then texas for the fall!

i am not going to write about the bad things going on because i don't want to think about them. i have been struggling during this last leg of my trip; in fact, i tried to skip my trip to paris in the first week of august to go straight home but i could not change my flight. it is probably just as well. when will i be here again?

anyway, i am dripping with sweat and it is still quite early in the day. here, when you leave the house in the morning, you are already sweaty and gross. it's just something you get used to, like having a second skin. a second skin of grime. yum.

i am excited because i am going home for three weeks and then doing a semester in texas. boyfriend and i will finally be able to be together consistently. it will be wonderful!! i was talking to this guy who works at a restaurant near my apartment last night during a late night gelato run. he was like, 'gelato eh?' and i was like, 'i won't be in italy much longer, i have to.' he was like, 'aw, we won't see each other anymore, etc. but i bet you miss your family.' i was like, 'i miss my boyfriend.' then i realized that that might have sounded badly, like i don't miss my family, but he nodded and said, 'lo so,' which means 'i know.' i think he meant it in a 'i can understand that' kind of way. it can be difficult with another language because i try to be literal, translating word for word into english in my head, but it doesn't work that way at all. for example, he didn't know i had a boyfriend so he wouldn't say 'i know.' maybe he meant it as 'i see.'

it will be kind of sad to leave, if only for the great neighborhood acquaintances i've made. i can't stand any of my neighbors back home. and i doubt people will greet me with a daily 'hi beautiful!' as the often-used 'ciao bella's flow abundantly here, from men and women. if it were not for those, i might throw myself into the canal, living in a country with really thin women and gelato everywhere.

months ago i mentioned having lunch with my fellowship director. she is my mentor and my hero. i admire her like no one else.

i found out this morning that she has pancreatic cancer, and that it has spread. i don't think i have to tell you what that means.

after weeping around the office, my boss sent me home. after weeping around my apartment, i wandered around venice a little bit. i have come online now to email her a letter telling her how much i love her and how much i owe to her for changing my life.

i wish that i wasn't so far away.

i treated myself to a pair of birkenstocks today and i am in love. had been cheaping out on shoes for a long time and after rome, pompei, florence, etc. i wanted to cry, my feet hurt so badly. besides, they are cheap here since i am so close to germany. boo-yah.

today was my day off. i found myself napping frequently, sweating a lot (it is soooo hot), and visiting three churches with my chorus pass. (i bought a pass for access to 12 churches without paying for individual tickets, yes you have to pay to go to church here, it's so wrong, give them a couple of tintorettos or titians and it goes to their head, j/k). it will be hard to go home and be without all these churches. it is just amazing here. and it's not just a touristy thing, i light candles and say prayers and it's a nice experience all around. of course there are churches at home but they don't have tintorettos or titians, darn it!!

wish i could write more, will as soon as things ease up. i hope you have all decided to check my blog less frequently but not to go away altogether.

i really miss writing. yes, it was extremely exciting to be in italy when they won. people went crazy in the campo where i was, but i was so tired that i went home and missed the real party in which people jumped into the grand canal and screamed their heads off.

will blog soon! especially when work slows down.

hello all. sorry for being so delinquent, but i am so busy all the time. it's good busy, as in traveling and doing cool projects at work and stuff, but still. i am quite tired.

just a brief update... i loved loved loved rome. i also went to pompei which was amazing but also quite depressing. sorrento was beautiful as well but didn't spend very much time there. then i went back to work for two days and now i have spent yesterday and today in florence, another city i love! i actually met up with my italian professor from back home because he's doing research here, which was really fun.

today i see some more sights and then go back to prepare for all the upcoming stuff at work. it is really hectic (!!) but whatever. it's better than only having tedious responsibilities, no?

pictures to come if i can ever get them up.

also, i wrote another feature for andi's awesome webzine, estella's revenge.

tonight is my first night ever in a hostel. my locker smells like fruit rollups, courtesy of whoever had it last, and apparently no one told the folks who run this place that you don't put a chunky girl on the top bunk. oh, the joys.

actually, i am just being my terribly witty self. it is pretty nice. i have the entire dorm to myself because people my age stay out all night and drink. it's great to be an old woman stuck in a young woman's body!

so, story of my trip so far. last night i got out of work at around 10:00 p.m. (um, i mean 22.00). went home and packed. set alarm to rise at 4:00 a.m. to turn boiler on. did. distinctly remember re-setting alarm for 5:00 before going back to sleep, despite being in a half-asleep stupor. after that, I don't know what happened. woke up at 6:40, had missed my bus to the airport. so i trotted off to the train station, which is 5 minutes from where i live. i took a train for about 2 hours to bologna, then changed trains for the remaining >3 hours to rome.

got here, checked into my hostel, dropped off stuff, went to the coliseum. i came out of the metro station and it was right across the street. incredible. it was absolutely amazing.

i didn't want to miss a thing, so i bought the audioguide. geez louise. could it have been any harder to follow? they give you a map and you're supposed to punch in the number when you're standing on the spot. it's the coliseum! how do you distinguish where you are from a map? it's like, "walk up to the column in the section of the ruins that looks ancient." "these are the seats from which the senators used to spit on poor people." where? where did they spit?? (i'm just kidding, they would never put that in an audioguide.)

frustrating, man. i couldn't even figure out which door they dragged the gladiators' bodies out of.

afterwards i checked out the arch of constantine, which is right outside, and then i went to the roman forum and il palatino. i enjoyed it so much that i altered my tentative plans for my future right then and there:

okay, boyfriend will move here and we'll have our kids and they'll be well-versed in italian and art history. and then i never have to go home!

then i thought about what boyfriend's reaction would be and realized how creepy i was being.

so sleepy. a dopo tutti!

hello all. i am sick once again in venice, but i would rather be sick here than anywhere else, hee hee.

i have officially been here for a month and feel settled, almost. i know certain neighborhoods like the back of my hand (NOT all, but some). i know to no longer feel complimented when someone says 'ciao bella!' because everyone says that to everyone. i know not to pay more than one euro for one gelato scoop. i know not to buy one of those dancing minnie mouses because it's a scam! these are the basics, really.

i wish boyfriend could get on a plane and come here and then i wouldn't go back home, i swear. speaking of which, our one year anniversary is next week. didn't that go fast??? and we get to spend it apart, how romantic.

i'm back. you know i couldn't stay away from you for long.

it's true, i don't really have time or energy to be back, but i really miss this blog. the other one is just about my sightseeing, and i constantly have to censor myself because relatives and professors of mine are reading it. plus, i specify where i work in the other one, so there can't be any work complaints. it sucks man.

so i guess i will have to force myself to blog at home and pay for precious time at the internet cafe so i can upload from my flash drive, because i love you all that much.

i should probably say something other than "i'm back" to make this entry worth reading. venice is awesome. i think it would be a really cool place to live; not necessarily forever but while one is in their 20s and unattached or something. so those of you who are drifting in life... come out. it rocks here. it's just kind of expensive with this friggin euro but whatever. i think the gelato alone makes it worth it. seriously folks. i don't think i will be able to eat ice cream at home ever again.

come to think of it, i won't be able to eat anything at home ever again. except for chinese food. madonna, i miss good chinese food. it's fucking horrible here, but i have to eat the tofu because there are like no soy products whatsoever and i feel like fainting quite often. i'm living on eggplant, actually. they put it in everything and it's one of my favorite foods, so i am enjoying that immensely.

what else? my apartment is cool, we have a garden but i don't use it except for hanging laundry while i play venetian house. fellow, who works and lives with me, is leaving at the end of june, so another person i work with is going to move in. i'm really glad, i pay a good price and love this place, who the hell wants to find another one?

i always thought i cursed a lot until i met one of my bosses, who is from ireland. he cracks me up, i swear. everything is 'fuck' this and 'fuck' that, and with his accent, it's not vulgar, it's culturally endearing. the other day he asked me to find a broom and sweep - because i'm an intern and that's what we do - and while i was looking for it, i smelled pasta with pesto coming from the student room. so i drifted in there and had something to eat and came back out to where he was. "this might be a good time to tell you that i am terrible at finding things," i said. he said, "you can't find it? hmm. where could it be? oh, hey, did you get something to eat?" i grinned. "yes. i found that." he laughed and said, "i'll fucking bet you did."

maybe you had to be there.

i like this pic of fellow and i, it was taken last night, i was drinking a 'venice,' how original: