I just came back from a weekend with Cool Aunt at her home a state over. It kicked ass. We subsisted on Peruvian and Indian food, ice cream, cookies and hot chocolate and did nothing but watch comedy videos. Wanda Sykes, Kathy Griffin, we just laughed all weekend. As I told Boyfriend, this is one of my New Year's resolutions: to laugh more. I should watch at least one bullshit comedy special each week - no thinking, just laughing and enjoying myself. Who knows, I may live longer.



Cool Aunt gave me a scrapbooking kit and a paint set for my birthday, which is next week. Yay for arts and crafts in the new year!

Books, books, books!

I have been spoiled for Christmas. My mother gave me an Amazon Kindle. You can load like 200 books on it but it is slimmer and lighter than a book. I feel like a little kid, finding free ebook sites and loading all kinds of things onto it. Kid Sisters got small portable V-Smiles so the three of us sit in a row, hunched over our electronic devices.

I am feeling pretty sick - what else is new? I need to get some Airborne or Zicam or something because traveling makes me sick every single time!

You know what is exciting me most about the holidays? (And this is quite sad, so be prepared.) I am taking a break from my schoolwork and can read WHATEVER I WANT! Yes! Yes!

I am a total nerd but damn, I'm excited. I've got a ton of books I've been mooching and collecting and taking out of the library but haven't had a chance to read. And now? I am even looking forward to long flights because of this.

I'm sure I'll change my mind a half hour into said flight, but I'm just saying.

Now I'm not big on presents - I enjoy them but I could just as easily go without because I have everything I need in life - but Boyfriend claims to have "gone a little overboard" on my wishlist and we are expecting a veritable deluge of books to be at the house by the time we get back on the 1st. I get chills just thinking about it.

Last night I went to a meeting of a local writer's group for the first time. It was pretty fun. Not what I expected but I enjoyed myself. There were five other people there besides me - the ringleader, another new guy, another new girl, a woman who is working on her fifth book and a former literary agent from New York. It was an interesting mix of never-been-published up to successful authors. I feel that I will get a lot out of knowing them and sharing my work with them.

The literary agent was trying to discourage me from returning to New York. He talked of working 14 hour days and never having "a life." He is so happy in Austin, and I agreed - I am very happy here too. It is completely laid back and low-stress, which is what I need right now. To be honest, I am apprehensive at the prospect of moving back home in the next year or two, but then there is my family to think about. L.A. said, "If you're thinking about graduate school, there's no better place for it than here. There's such an open artistic community here for your writing." He was like a walking advertisement for Austin, but I understand why.

He was a trip. He said he had written a novel for NaNoWriMo but that he didn't share it with the group because there was too much sex in it - lol. I rarely "lol" in blog posts but that warranted it. He is an older man with a large, bushy beard and round glasses who wore socks and sandals so I just didn't expect that from him.

Another woman told us that since her current historical novel takes place in the Middle East of yesteryear, and one of her characters traveled via camel caravan, she went to Syria and Egypt and did it herself. And I thought, that's what it means to be a real writer.

Will I ever be one?

I'm in a pretty good mood. Boyfriend's family has decided that while they are spending most of their trip in another city, they will probably be in New York on his birthday. I will also be there then so I don't have to miss out on spending his birthday with him. I am very excited about this :)

Speaking of which, I got him the perfect birthday present yesterday but I can't say what it is because he reads this. It was a stroke of luck but I got it. Yee ha.

Last night after work Friend From Work #2 and I went shopping together, then to dinner at a fancy Chinese place. We had wine and great food and hung out for a couple of hours. It was great fun. I was missing Boyfriend because he left yesterday morning, and then the fortune in my cookie read, "The one you love is closer than you think." Silly but made me feel better! :)

Afterwards I went to the library and picked out a chick lit novel because I deserve to kick back and enjoy myself after hustling to get my literature class done the past two months.

I need to stop laboring under the allusion that I can wear a 3/4 shirt or even a long sleeved shirt and a coat and nothing else, because once I get to the office I will be warm inside. This office is chilly, man. I need to buy me some winter clothes. Especially before I go home next week, because then it will really be a big problem.

Boyfriend left for the east coast this morning, and I'm following on Sunday. I have been upset about him going, naturally, but I already feel that this time will be easier than the last time was. I mean, I guess that's easy to say at work... let's see what happens when I get home to an empty apartment every night. But I feel a bit stronger and independent. I hope it lasts the entire week and not just this morning ;)

Yesterday B. and I went to dinner with CL Friend and CLFH. We went to a restaurant out on the lake that was crazy gorgeous. I don't know how else to describe it. There were sculptures everywhere and the sun set while we were there and the view was spectacular. It wasn't even a fancy or expensive restaurant. I would love to go there again.

This Friday I am sleeping over CLF and CLFH's place, which should be fun, although they are so keen on getting me to have a shot (I have never had one, ever) and I am too afraid to try. How to dissuade them when I am in their home, I don't know.

Last night was our company Christmas party. It was a lot of fun. I enjoyed this one more than last year's, perhaps because I am more comfortable and actually know everyone's name now ;)

We went to a fancy barbecue restaurant. It's probably the only one in town (in existence?) but that's their gimmick - you dress up to go have barbecue. A couple of us were skeptical but it actually really worked. The food was awesome and the ambience was great too.

Boyfriend and I sat at a table with Friend From Work and his wife, and they were wildly entertaining and fun with their anecdotes about the company. They are both very sarcastic, funny, intellectual, quirky people, which is what I really enjoy about FFW at work. His wife is the same exact way.

At the end of the night Friend From Work #2 came to our table to announce that apparently we had prepaid for hundreds of dollars more from the bar than we had spent at that point, so everyone had better start drinking. It would have been fun to stick around, have expensive drinks on the company's dime and watch my coworkers and superiors get drunk, but I have a literature test this afternoon and I knew I needed to get home and into bed.

This morning I came across the most beautiful picture ever. I know that's kind of random but it really is something. I didn't want to deal with the copyright issues of posting it here so go look.

So yesterday Boss made me Project Manager of this new marketing venture we are undertaking. I was pretty happy. Yes, it means more work but it made me feel good.

Tonight is our company Christmas party and I have nothing to wear - yay!

I may post a poem later in the day because I am feeling arty. Stay tuned.

I did a study for a local research firm the other day on my lunch hour. It was a website usability thing - which site did I like best, what did I think about them, etc. - and they gave me $75 for being there for about 45 minutes. It rocked. Who couldn't use that, especially around the holidays?

Drinking tea this morning. It's a nice change, though I simply don't like it as much as I like coffee. Shame, too, because it's supposed to be better for you, but I can't make the switch.

I have been thinking about doing some volunteer work. I know it seems I don't have the time but I'm sure I could find a little and I have had this tug on my heart for a while. (Maybe it's the holidays; I'm not sure.) There's a great website for pairing you up with opportunities in your area called VolunteerMatch. Thinking I will peruse that shortly.

According to Anita's website, my goddess birth sign is Demeter. What does this say about me? Well, Demeter was very maternal - remember how crazy she went when her daughter, Persephone, was abducted? She also controls the harvest and some such. Does that mean I'm earthy? I definitely think I'm maternal, though I'm not a mother yet.

That was kind of random but I was puttering around her site. It's fun and inspiring, though I don't necessarily buy everything.

We got a new person in Sales today, though I hadn't heard anything about it. I guess when you miss a day you fall out of the loop :P One of our Sales guys just came over and introduced her to me, saying, "This is Sojourness, the only Marketing person who comes in before 10:00." Hee hee.

I am thinking of checking out the local poetry slams. I wrote something last night that could be a slam piece, though I am not bold enough to be a slam performer. I figure I should go and listen and maybe I can get up courage to perform my piece in the future. After all, I never thought I would be able to read "regular" poetry in front of people but I do it now with some degree of ease. Some things you just have to force yourself to do, and they are so rewarding.

Listening to Christmas songs is reminding me of junior high music class. My teacher was an older Italian-American man with big glasses and a big nose who had absolutely no control of the class. I felt sorry for him, Mr. Magnoli or Miglini or Manelli or whatever his name was, I don't remember.

He had us spend the entire month of December singing "Winter Wonderland" every day from sheet music. Perhaps he was a real big Christmas fan, or he just found that we had fun caroling and didn't act up as much.

If you need to get yourself into the holiday spirit, go Elf Yourself. This provides hours of entertainment, I assure you.

(Johnny Cash's "Blue Christmas" is my new theme song because Boyfriend and I will be apart for most of the holidays.)

I had a small breakfast this morning and my leftover Chicken Parmigiana is calling my name from the office fridge. Why is it not noon yet?

Tomorrow is an office potluck. Awesome. I am making Italian sausage and peppers even though I don't like it. I make it pretty well according to Boyfriend, who is an expert in sausage and pepper matters, and it's very easy, so voila.

I'm having a good Monday morning, although something bummed me out a little. I was looking at the Thanksgiving photos that Sister put up on one of her social networking site profiles, and I saw that beneath the one of myself, my sisters, my aunt and my mother, my aunt - who is a feminist that I greatly admire - commented with a laugh that Sister looks thinner and prettier than the rest of us.

This is a silly superficial thing that shouldn't bother me, but it does. Why does thin = pretty? Or if it does not, I suppose that Sister is just fortunate enough to have it all.

Eh, whatever.

The Gospel According to Sojourness

I have some thoughts on religion that I want to share. Getting back in touch with the roots of Sojourner's Truths! :)

They are pretty random but they were caused by various discussions and topics in my life recently. For example, when Future Priest referenced the controversy over the Golden Compass. After reading his comment I decided to go find some interviews with Philip Pullman to see just what he believes. I do not believe in the vision of the world as he described it in his novels - and who is to say that he does as well? It's fiction - but I thought they were incredibly well-done and he is extremely clever to have come up with such an original concept. Anyway, I found this interview which is really good. He takes up issue with C.S. Lewis, whom I adore, but I think the whole interview is interesting and this is definitely one smart guy who thinks for himself.

In addition, I was telling Boyfriend about my addiction to SIMS several years ago, when I got it for Christmas at 17. I believe it was just getting popular then. Sister and I would spend hours playing that game, and once the novelty had worn off and we were tired of getting them jobs and making their relationships work, we decided to invent interesting ways to kill them. For example, Sister would make sure that her Sims had no cooking skills whatsoever and then make them cook all the time until they set their kitchens on fire. I opted for creating a swimming pool, letting them get in and then deleting the ladder. They kept swimming for hours until they eventually drowned.

We must be some sadistic people because this was amusing to us, and I wondered, is this how the world really works? Is God sitting up there figuring out new ways to make us suffer for amusement?

Sounds like a terrible idea but hey, I did it to my Sims.

As I said, these are just random thoughts. I am not bashing God.

I remember years ago Veteran Seeker gave me the idea to make a list of affirmations - to write out what I do believe, in order to feel better about not knowing what I believe in some areas. I always intended to do this, on this very blog, but never did. I think I will now. It will be a little difficult because when I ask myself questions such as, "What do I believe about _____?" my answer is inevitably "I don't know." But I will give it a try.

I believe...

• that there is a purpose for us. That we are here on earth for a reason.
  
  
• that karma exists in some form. Things we do, good or evil, will come back to influence us (in our own lives or our children's lives, whatever).
  
  
• that we are still conscious after death. I don't know what we experience but I think the soul is separate from the body - it is what animates the body - and so I don't believe that we simply lie in the ground and decompose.
  
  
• that being good to others should spring from love and not fear of eternal punishment or karma.
  
  
• that we should respect and honor the bodies we have been given (though I don't pretend to know who gave them to us).
  
  
• that there is a force above humanity. I don't know if it's a personable god or just some energy, though.
  

I may or may not have mentioned before (sometimes I draft blog posts and then think they're boring and delete them) that I am going to break up with my therapist. She is a nice woman but I don't get much out of our time together, which I am paying for. I also have a problem with her - she insults my mother. Perhaps she thinks she is supporting me when I am talking about difficulties with my mother, but it just makes me annoyed and defensive. I mean, it's my mother, I don't want to hear someone who is almost a stranger say things about her. I don't have the cajones to confront her so I am just breaking up.

I signed up to do one of those studies, you know, where they pay you for an hour or two of your time. It's some kind of usability thing, I will be on a computer. Whatever - 1 hour, $75 baby. I wish I could do one of these every week :)

Last night I went to Artsy Friend's publication party. All the contributors to the journal read their stuff and it was fun. Artsy Friend gave me the new scarf she knitted for me, and then surprised me with an early Christmas gift - a feminist lit book that I had added to my wishlist not two days before! (Which she had no idea about.) She rocks.

Last night I did slight window shopping and then dinner with CL Friend. She is so cool; I am lucky to have met her. She's always up for anything - I could invite her to practically anything, even on short notice, and she will come. She always wants to make plans too. She is exactly the kind of girlfriend I was looking for on CL to begin with.

Tonight I am going to a publication party that Artsy Friend invited me to. She is having several poems published in her college literary journal and it must be really exciting for her. I will probably see old classmates/English profs there.

We are steadily moving towards the weekend, which I am happy about. I have a Writing Group happy hour to attend on Saturday evening (dragging Boyfriend along :) and I think the two of us are finally going to go see "The Darjeeling Limited." Oh, I am excited, "The Golden Compass" comes out next week!!

But mainly I can't wait to sleep in, which is my favorite part of weekends.

Last night I was thoroughly alone because Boyfriend has late classes two nights a week, so I went through another cooking extravaganza. Chicken Francaise, breaded cauliflower, salad and tiramisu. All was well but I wore myself out pretty good and don't want to cook for the rest of the week! :)

There is not much else to tell; my life has been pretty boring since I got home (I'm not complaining because boy do I love boring). Studying my ass off, making plans with girlfriends that have not come to pass yet.

I brought my belly dancing videotapes back from home with me and once we get our hands on some crappy VCR I will be shimmying my way to sexy sleek. Yipee.

It's good being back to work. That sounds like a silly thing to say but it is more calming than vacations (with their accompanied traveling) generally are. I get to sit here with my coffee and my computer and chill out. Even if I am busy with work all day, it is still something I can handle.

Last night I made dinner. I love getting cookbooks from the library and trying new things. I made pastry wrapped chicken with honey mustard sauce, and we had it with salad, bread with seasoned oil and a bottle of Riesling. Yum. Tonight I will make dinner again as Boyfriend has a late class, but nothing quite as fancy. I found a seemingly easy Tiramisu recipe and will make that as soon as I can pick up some ladyfingers and Kahlua.

I am pretty excited because I brought some more of my things back from home. I think my most prized possessions are two vintage family photographs: one is of my paternal grandmother at about six years old, taken in the late 1940s, and the other is of my maternal great grandmother and great-great-great grandmother, which must have been taken in the 1930s. I love these photos and want to scan them so as to preserve them and have many copies, not to mention to share them with the family members who would be interested.

I emailed my estranged maternal grandfather several months ago while I was researching my family. He is a magician and escape artist who has been fairly successful, but he is a touch crazy. He doesn't speak with anyone in the family anymore. The last time I saw him was when I was five years old. He was great - used to bring me magic sets as a child - so I thought that since he doesn't have any anger towards me personally, that he would answer. I was wrong. I guess I will never know much about his side of the family. Both of his parents are dead and I don't think he had any siblings.

Four hour layovers in Raleigh, North Carolina really suck.

I had a nice week at home. I prepared most of Thanksgiving dinner (mashed potato pie with two kinds of cheese, breaded eggplant and zucchini, stuffed mushrooms, pecan pie) and we were able to celebrate in a large room in the basement of my father's nursing home residence (rather than his personal room, which is cramped). Sister's Boyfriend came in from Georgia for the occasion, as did Cool Aunt and her husband from Connecticut.

I also met up with Mentor and Veteran Seeker earlier in the week. Mentor spoke with me about family, the holidays, and how I need to go get my Ph.D. "I can really see you winding up at Columbia or NYU, for some reason," he said. (He meant teaching, as a career, not in a graduate program.) Veteran Seeker and I caught up over lunch after not having seen each other for some time.

Wednesday evening I went out to dinner with Sister, Childhood Friend, Childhood Friend's Friend (who is a friend of mine and very cool, though I have no code name for him) and Bro's Friend. It was nice to go out with my sister – she is not always so amicable with me.

I also told the father of my youngest sister to go to hell. He deserved it.

Yay for the holidays!

I have been having fun at home so far. The traveling was horrendous with delays in St. Louis and weird things keeping us on the runway (the power plug was accidentally ripped out by some genius on the runway and we had to sit there waiting for maintenance to come, for one). But other than that, it's good. My mother is an impulse buyer who picked up a German shepherd a month or so ago, but he was trouble, and she gave him to a shelter (no-kill, of course... one of the good ones) yesterday. Thank God - that thing tried to rip my face off when I first came in the door.

Last night I went to that concert with Sister. I wasn't too keen on going because Sister is obsessed with meeting bands by their bus after shows, and I knew it was going to be time-consuming. But it was a band I knew - Switchfoot - so I went. Turns out they were playing with Relient K, a fairly huge band on the Christian scene, though I had never heard their stuff before. Anyway, it turned out to be awesome! I had so much fun. Sister was trying to pick up this guy next to us. "Should I talk to him?" she asked. "Yes," I said. "What should I say?"

. . .

"Do you believe in Jesus, hot stuff?"

We didn't get to meet the lead singer from Switchfoot because Mother was in the neighborhood and picked us up before he came out, but Sister got a pic with the guitarist from Relient. She was bummed though, and I was a little too - it would have been nice to meet Jon Foreman. But my feet hurt and it was cold and there were too many teens around.

I forewent (is that a word?) coffee this morning and during my marketing meeting, 10:00-11:00, I started to freak out. I kept thinking, "I want a cup of coffee. Give me coffee!"

Kind of scary.

Anyway, going home this week and staying for a week. Yay. I have presents for the sisters and will eat Thanksgiving turkey and good things and then come back. I have been working 10-hour days in order to make up for not working at all Friday and it has not been fun. I don't like leaving work in the dark.

When Best Friend visited, we ate out so much (in order to show her around) - Tex-Mex, barbecue, etc. - that after a day or two I felt like a flotation device. Recently I have been eating out a lot again because of Friend From Work 1 and 2's birthdays and whatnot, and I am starting to feel yuck. So today I made a clean start. Slimfast shake for breakfast. Now coffee. Going to log my calories once again and keep on top of it. And exercise! It is so hard to come home from work late and make time for exercise when you know you have to make dinner and clean up and study, but have to do it.

Sister called me the other morning after a rather conspicuous absence of communication and asked me to go to a concert with her this weekend. I was surprised and happy to be asked.

I bought breakfast tacos on the way in this morning because I didn't have time for a proper breakfast. I know they're nearly 300 calories each but I got them anyway. Ate one, drank my orange juice out of the small plastic container (yay for combos) and then couldn't eat the second because it was drenched in grease. Ew. I learned something about myself this morning - one breakfast taco is enough to fill me up. This will surely influence future purchasing decisions.

Oh my goodness, what has happened to me? I remember a time in the not-so-distant past when I had interesting things to talk about.

Last night CL Friend and I went to an advanced screening of "The Kite Runner." One of the best, most powerful movies I have seen in a very long time, but it was also very disturbing. (Isn't that usually the case? The ones that disturb you change your life, the way you think?) I can't handle reality; it is way too harsh. I came home and sobbed.

Needless to say I have stopped reading the book because I doubt I can handle it right now. The story is incredible and I'm sure the book is even better than the movie, so if you are not a big baby, you should totally read it.

Further proof that the media and the powers that be have their heads up their asses:

NY Times: Causes of Death Are Linked to a Person's Weight

Now I know I really can't trust any study that comes out because I've read about a thousand where overweight people should expect to drop like flies.

Happy Halloween

Yeah, I've slacked. Halloween came and went but I was too busy to blog about it. It was a pretty fun one.

My costume was Frida Kahlo. I bought a thick black unibrow and braided my hair up with flowers. Artsy Friend lent me a necklace with large red beads on it. I wore a long red skirt with a black shawl and carried a paintbrush.

The women at work got it. The men - with the exception of two - didn't. But after a quick email around the office with a picture of Frida and an expression of my dismay at Texans who don't know this, it was all good. We had a party in the afternoon and I won the "best costume" contest. It was tough - I was up against a 80s Rocker with fake tattoos and crazy hair, a bumblebee, a baseball player, a gypsy-ish cowboy, and an attendee of the "Miss Priss Charm School." But I snagged the Starbucks card, baby!

That evening Boyfriend had a class, and Friend From Work #2 (Miss Priss, as it turns out) asked me if I wanted to go out. So we did. We went to the parade on 6th Street. We spent the most time in a bar with a roof so we could just stand there and watch all the funny costumes. Awesome. I mean, they've got everything. Mario and Luigi and the Princess. Borat. Blind refs. And people downtown got my costume - "Hey, Frida!!"

Maia

I find my path following my inclinations

The Right Fit

I'm in a good mood. Good things just keep happening.

- I hate clothes shopping. Maybe there are some big women out there who enjoy it, but I am not one of them. It is a painful procedure that must be completed and over and done with as quickly as possible (just ask Boyfriend). Well, yesterday we were at the mall getting it over and done with as quickly as possible when I noticed that Lane Bryant has a new jean system. It's probably just a gimmick that won't really last but the fact that their sizes ran from 1-5 prompted me to ask the saleswoman about it. (I needed new jeans, desperately.) She said that I would need to be measured because the new "Right Fit" sizes don't correspond to regular sizes. Okay, I'm a good sport, I let her wrap the measuring tape around me. "Do you have any problems with jeans?" she asked. "Why, yes, the ones that fit around my waist are baggy in the butt and thigh areas." "Okay," she replied. "I'm going to put you in a 4 yellow. What kind of jeans do you like?" "Flare please," I said, then took them from her and made for the dressing room. I don't know what I expected but I did not expect to come bounding out of there like a goddess in dark denim. Yes, friends, it hugged all the right places without being tight or uncomfortable. I was in love. I must have said "Thank you" to this woman four times.

- I just went to Michael's for the first time. It was like this great nostalgic moment. All the memories of trips to the crafts store with my mother throughout my childhood rushed back to me as I smelled the cinnamon and looked through aisle after aisle of paints, fabrics, yarns, hoops, fake flowers and hot glue guns. I just felt happy in a goofy way. I bought some accessories for my costume and also a pack of colored pencils, just because I like to spoil myself. (I don't paint anymore; I draw. I realized I kept drawing decent pictures and then destroying them when I painted over them.)

- Friend From Work #1 gave me a big, warm, gooey chocolate chip cookie about five minutes ago.

Notes from Life

Today I got an email about my local feminist bookstore losing their lease and maybe closing, so Boyfriend and I threw on some clothes, went out for breakfast - omelette sandwiches, cinnamon strudel, juice and coffee ... mmm - and then spent some time in there. I bought Friend From Work #2 a birthday present. She saw my You Say I'm a Bitch Like It's a Bad Thing collection the other day, the one that Sister gave me that sits on my desk at work, and she told me that she loves those. So I got her a 2008 planner that contains tons of them.

I also bought a thank-you card for the friends who had us over for dinner last night, and a book for the next book club meeting. I am a beg, borrow or steal kind of woman when it comes to books. There are libraries and cheap Internet sites galore, so I never buy from bookstores, because why pay full price? But I don't want them to close, that would majorly suck.

So if you need to buy some Christmas presents, or birthday presents, or just something nice for yourself, please buy it from BookWoman. Do it for the Soj.

Last night was fun. CL Friend and her husband had us over for dinner, as I mentioned. CLFH cooked chicken breasts stuffed with ricotta and prosciutto and seasoned in the Italian way, and CLF made an arugula salad with sliced apples, walnuts and a raspberry vinaigrette. Boyfriend and I brought wine, no pudge brownies that I baked and vanilla ice cream. Before dinner, we all sat around in the living room eating Brie and Havarti cheeses with crackers and sipping wine, trying not to let their brand new Dachsund get the food. After dinner, we played Scattergories. A good time was had by all.

I like:

• coffee with friends


• burning incense


• greasy food - sometimes


• taking photos


• diet soda


• art


• light food - sometimes


• cats


• pretty clothes that fit comfortably


• laughing


• silver jewelry


• ethnic food


• weekends


• slow dancing in the kitchen


• songs that make you cry


• speaking in Italian


• Friend From Work saying "I am so glad you work here"


• audio books in the car


• books in general


• jazzercise


• writing


• autumn breezes


• no pudge brownies


• bubble baths


• libraries


• Boss saying "I like you"


• window shopping


• baking desserts


• singing alone in the apartment


• sunshine


• hugging my sisters


• being in love

I tend to get premonitions about things. Not always, and not about important things that actually matter, but often enough for me to notice. I don't understand, however, why I never listen to them. If I know I get them and they tend to be right, why do I not listen? Like today I was supposed to go to lunch with Friend From Work #2, and I thought this morning, "I should bring a back-up lunch in case it falls through," but I didn't. And she can't make it. We've rescheduled, which is cool, but I don't have lunch. Hmm.

Yesterday I took my Shakespeare final and I was so pleased with myself that I spent the night doing nothing but relax, even though I had other studying to do. I watched "Room Service," the Marx Bros. movie, that I took out of the library. God, that was what I needed - a few giggles.


Okay, so we've got these new disposable coffee cups in the office that are thin, slim, pretty and fuzzy instead of the white styrofoam boring ones, but these new ones hold 16 ounces so when I feel like I'm having one cup of coffee, I am actually having two. The other day I inadvertently had four (cups of coffee, not sixteen ounce servings) and my hands started shaking.

That said, I just finished one sixteen ounce (or two cups of coffee) and am wanting more. Resist ... the ... temptation ....

I bought a pair of beautiful grey slacks for work on Friday. They fit well and look good. I'm happy. I'm always happy when I find beautiful clothing for big girls.

I had such a lovely weekend with Boyfriend ... big surprise, I always do, but this one was really lovely because we got out of the apartment a lot. We went on a long walk and sat at a beloved outdoor coffee shop on the lake and ate at a new restaurant we had never eaten at before (with a Hawaiian theme and tikis everywhere). Fun fun.

Now it is Monday and I have two tests this week and two next. Yeesh!

Tonight is a poetry reading with Artsy Friend. God grant me courage.

I'm Cranky

This is Day #3 of the crankiness that comes with being a woman. You know? Why am I so cranky anyway? I have been having a grand old time the last few days.

Ah well.

I've worked out how to go home for a week, be there on the actual day of Thanksgiving, and still avoid the Thanksgiving weekend madness and too-high-fares. (And when I say "I've worked out," I mean Boyfriend did and I am taking credit for it.) I am happy to see the sisters and the Traveler, who is now their babysitter and living in my mother's house. I'll be happy to see my parents. Aside from that, I am experiencing the dread I always experience going home. It is always emotionally draining and much harder than you would think.

Slow weekend since we are recuperating from the activity level of Best Friend's visit. This morning B. and I participated in a walk for charity, which means getting up early and, you know, walking. Came back home and I snoozed the whole afternoon away. Now I'm trying to motivate myself to study and cook dinner - both things I actually want to do, but I'm moving slow.

Deep Thoughts... by Sojourness Handey

- I have had a Jennifer Lopez song stuck in my head all morning since I heard it at 7-11 this morning as I used the ATM machine. I am not happy.

- I found out today that a woman I worked for in Italy passed away. 37 years old -- cancer. She was kind of mean to the interns but geez... that is young to die. I am still very surprised, and a little frightened.

- To go home for Thanksgiving or not to go home for Thanksgiving? That is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous plane fares, or to take arms against a sea of homesick emotions, and by opposing, end them.

- Which reminds me, I gotta take that damn Shakespeare final.

- I'm going to see a production of Death of a Salesman tonight! Arthur Miller -- my post mortem playwright crush! (Well, one of them.)

Summary of Best Friend's trip

Thursday evening:

Arrival
Dinner at a taco bar

Friday:

Wandering by herself while we worked
Shopping in funky neighborhood
Consumption of cupcakes
Inevitable visit to 6th Street and Pete's Dueling Piano Bar

Saturday:

Consumption of breakfast tacos
Swimming
Consumption of crepes
Oktoberfest
Viewing of "Across the Universe"

Sunday:

Austin Museum of Art and Mexic-Arte Museum
Dinner at Tex-Mex restaurant with CL Friend
Post-margarita viewing of much Sex and the City

Monday:

Wandering by herself while we work
Dinner at Stubb's BBQ

Tuesday:

Departure

Ishtar represents the fullness of womanhood and dares us to dream. Her
power is strongest at the full moon, when the essence of womanhood
heightens in response to the moon energy that is all-encompassing.

I have abundant energy and vitality

*Check out incredible Goddess art at ThaliaTook.com.

*Get these Goddess updates from Anita Revel's site.

Ole!

Trade show madness is over. No more clowns passing out fliers, no more smiling at strangers and whoring myself for business cards, no more carrying heavy boxes to my car parked in the garage a block away. *Breathes large sigh of relief*


Best Friend arrived last night. I was slightly late in picking her up from the airport because I had fallen asleep after getting home from the final trade show. She, Boyfriend and I went out last night for Tex-Mex that was yummy. Our weekend plans have not been finalized yet, but all I know is that we are going to have a great time!! I'm so glad she's here.

CL Friend and her husband have extended the invitation for Boyfriend and I to go to dinner at their house. How nice! This weekend is no good because Best Friend is visiting, but possibly next. It would be awesome if CL Friend's Husband and Boyfriend got along because then we would have "a couple" of friends that we could do things with. I am hopeful because they are both into sports -- that seems to be the common denominator with the male counterpart of the species. They play and watch the same sports so... *crossing fingers*

If not, no big, but wouldn't that be fun?

I have been running my raggedy little ass (little... *snort*) around to trade shows and such. It's not bad -- gets me out of the office and breaks up the week. At the last one, they had brownies and cookies, as well as coffee and pastries in the morning. That's my kinda show, baby.

Not much else to report. Hopefully I will have tons of great stories to tell after Best Friend's visit in the next five days.

Big Fat Carnival

Would love to send a thank-you to Sheana, who included one of my posts in her "Big Fat Carnival."

In Greek stories, Iambe is a wild goddess of sacred sexuality who used
poetry and witty comebacks to entertain others.

Shakespeare recognised Iambe's creative genius and emulated her style
– her iambic pentameter verse – in his plays.

I feel absolutely supercharged

I decided to continually click "Next Blog" to see what I found, and here is some of the stuff I found:

Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century

Dogpatch Journal: a 21st century Thoreau

Then I kept getting porn sites and had to stop.

Why I Love Children, and Particularly Those Who Are Related To Me

Me: "What are you learning about in school?"
Kid Sister #2: "About Christopher Columbus."
Me: "Really? Who was he?"
Kid Sister #2: "He had three ships. He was a sailor."
Me: "Wow. Where did he sail?"
Kid Sister #2: *Silence* "I don't know. To an island. In the east."

--

Kid Sister #1: "I love December, it's my favorite month. I love it because it has Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve and Christmas and... Kwanza..."

Trick or Treat

Before I begin this feminist rant that is cross-posted at the Feminist Pulse, let me say that the lightbulb went off today on the perfect costume. I'm not revealing it until after Halloween but it's amazing.

I never knew you could learn so much about socialized gender roles by looking through a party store circular, but apparently you can. I got one in the mail the other day and not having found a costume yet, I decided to peruse it. Well, I did, and what I found is quite interesting.

Here is a sampling of the male and female costumes in various age groups:

Toddler Boys

• Superheroes: Batman, Robin, Superman, Spiderman, Buzz Lightyear
• Male professions: Fireman, Policeman, Cowboy, Soldier

Toddler Girls

• Cheerleader, "Barbie Team Spirit," Princess, and to their credit, Supergirl.

Boys (sizes 4-14)

• Superheroes
• Male professions: same as before, now including Air Force Pilot, S.W.A.T. Team, and "Mac Daddy," which, judging by the costume, is a euphemism for pimp.
• Violent characters: Freddy, Jason, Warrior, Crypt Master, Zombie, Vampire

Girls (sizes 4-14, not teen girls, but children)

• Disney princesses
• "Pretty Bride" (though I didn't see "Handsome Groom" being sold to boys), "Runway Diva" with a very short skirt, "Major Flirt" (a sexy military costume), "Miss Behaved" (a pink striped prison outfit with broken shackles on the girl's wrist), "Devilicious" with pink hot pants and wings and - I kid you not - "French Maid."
• Female professions: Nurse, "Hollywood Starlet"

Teen Girls

• "Army Girl" with insanely short camouflage shorts and cleavage, "You Sexy Witch," "Barbarian Babe," "Fashion Police" and of course the French maid outfit.

Adult costumes are similarly divided. ALL women costumes (with the exception of the nun outfit) are skimpy and "sexy." NONE of the men's costumes are. Women are sexy cops and military babes, but never Police Women or Soldiers.

I think the most disturbing, however, is the hyper-sexualization of girl children.

I feel like I'm drowning in work. The two-week long dry socket has really screwed up my schedule and I am behind on all of my classes. Not to mention my housework. Normally, Boyfriend and I split all the household chores, with him occasionally doing more than me. Lately, I have been out of commission and I need to get back... in? I don't know how to phrase that, but my kitchen floor is yucky. Forget that, my kitchen is yucky.

Another reason for cleaning up the place is that Best Friend is visiting next week! I am so excited! No one has ever visited me here before except for Sister. She is here for about five days. It will be fun. A break from soliciting strange women online to be my friend.

(I'm just kidding; I haven't met anyone strange. Yet.)

Wisdom Tooth Conspiracy

I'm sorry, but I've gotta share this. I found this online and it struck me as positively hysterical.

Wisdom teeth are, in fact, the result of a wide-reaching, global conspiracy of the dentistry industry. They have known about genetic engineering for years, but they have selfishly used this knowledge to introduce wisdom teeth into the human gene pool for their benefit. Ever notice how dentists are so eager to remove your wisdom teeth? In fact, we suspect the nitrous oxide manufacturing companies are in on this gig as well.

Think about it. Wisdom teeth are not necessary for eating food, nor for any normal vital activity. They do nothing but take up space and cause pain, and perhaps incur cavities in the victim, since they are conveniently hard to brush.

Sure, you might hear archeologists talking about finding wisdom teeth in the skeletal remains of homo erectus, but they, too, have been manipluated and brainwashed by the dentists of America. Humans have no need for wisdom teeth, nor have they ever. It is a money-making ploy, and nothing more. Any evidence you see the contrary is the work of the conspirators as well.

I think I'm missing something here. Dentists are responsible for the fact that wisdom teeth grow in our mouths?

Don't believe the hype. Wisdom teeth are a hoax.

Oh, how I wish they were.

I found out today that I do have a dry socket. I knew it... when I read that a dry socket causes the worst pain imaginable, I knew that's what I have. I went back to the surgeon yesterday and he said maybe it was a muscle thing, since everything looked good. I went back today in desperation: "Please, help me!!" He decided to "go inside" and see what was up. Great.

Well, he found some knot of tissue that was covering my dry socket, which was why he didn't see it. Is that normal? No. Of course not. He took it out and now I've gotta... you know what? I don't remember.

I'm tired and drugged.

I also have to go back to the surgeon on Friday, then take a final that afternoon, and lose pay for practically the whole day.

Does someone want to kill me now?

On Notice

So my get-together with CL Friend went well. She is one of those friendly types of people who doesn't make you work hard for conversation. She laughed a lot and asked a lot of questions and we had a great time, sharing Thai Lettuce Wraps and finishing off with cheesecake. This week she is out of town for work and I have my final to worry about but after that we both plan to get together again.

My surgeon opened his office today (on a Saturday morning) to see me. He is the nicest guy ever.

Apparently I don't have a dry socket, and he's not sure why I'm in such terrible pain. He thinks I just have to get through it and when I see him again Monday I will be better. He gave me more drugs.

Good God, when will it end?

Now I get to spend my weekend in bed, studying and sleeping. Hmm. Doesn't sound so bad, aside from the horrific pain :)

Worst... pain... of... life...

Must... be... dry socket...

I can't stop biting my nails even though it hurts my teeth to do so. Is this some kind of disorder?

Looking forward to after work noshing with CL Friend. I need some relaxing girl time because I've had a hellish week, what with having something ripped from my gums by the roots and all.

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel with my Shakespeare class but I am going to have to haul ass this weekend and next week. I need to do well on that final *winces*

I just went out on my lunch break and bought myself a pretty little brown leather journal for my poetry, just because.

Where is Bumpkin?

I had the problematic wisdom tooth taken out yesterday. I was so frightened about it, and it turned out to be nothing at all. It didn't even hurt! Except for the injection, and that was so minor.

The thing that is bugging me is the afterwards pain. The bleeding yesterday was both disgusting and stressful but that has stopped now. Now I am just rinsing with an antibiotic that makes all my food taste bad. Eh, I can live with that for a week.

I decided that I needed some new girlfriends so I went on Craigslist and solicited some. I have been talking with one woman - I guess I will call her CL Friend - who is totally cool. We do the same kind of work and her relationship reminds me of mine (though she's married) and I think we will get along great. We are meeting for drinks and appetizers after work Friday. (My drink will have to be a Diet Coke because I am still hopped up on Vicodin.)

I am just so happy. I know I am an emotional person with mood swings and such but in my life, right now, I am just so happy. I lay in bed and think that before I go to sleep. Life is just so good. (We'll see how happy I am when I go home for a stressful Thanksgiving, but that's another story ;)

Oh, I also joined a group of people who meet for lunches in different restaurants. I love eating out and don't know all that many places in my somewhat-still-new city so I joined. I went to one on Tuesday and the people were cool and the food was good. Fun!

Happy Monday

Today we enter the Goddess Birth Sign of Venus. She teaches us about love in all its form: self-love, love for others, and love for mother earth and all her creatures.

SUGGESTED MANTRA: SELF-LOVE
The Roman goddess born of heaven and sea, revered for her gifts of fertility, sensuality and above all, love.

I walk in beauty

--

Every time I see students coming from class (I live on a college campus), I get jealous. Every time I hear about someone's experiences in their lit classes or women's studies classes, I nearly freak.

I've always felt a strong tie with academia. Ever since I started college I was in love. Nowadays, college is the afterthought. My lit classes are more of a nuisance at night when I'm tired from work than something I enjoy. I don't have classmates and great discussions and professors to give me feedback on my papers, and God, I miss it!

I work in the marketing world but it's not my passion. Publishing gets closer - writing, editing, especially about issues that matter to me. But I have always walked around saying, "I'm going to be a professor, I'm going to get my Ph.D., I'm going to be an academic rockstar," and I totally forgot about it in the past year or so.

I am very close to finishing my B.A. and I really need to think about grad school because it's important to me. Like, really important.

--

So I need costume ideas for Halloween. Last year everyone dressed up at the office and we had a party - there was William Wallace in a kilt with blue and white paint on his face, a whoopee cushion, a pirate... you get the idea. I want to do something fun but something I can design myself (and not pay for a costume, if I can help it). Suggestions? :)

Happy Anniversary to Meee

Google has one-upped Microsoft by providing presentation software as part of its Google Docs program. That's right, folks: if you have a Google account (Gmail or otherwise) then you don't need to go scouting out bootleg versions of MS Office (PowerPoint) anymore. Is there anything these guys can't do? I'm waiting for the day when they go food shopping for me, and I'm sure it's not far off.

Today is my one-year anniversary with my company. It is also, coincidentally, Cake Day. I will be celebrated, revered, highly honored amongst my peers! (Well, me and the VP who has a birthday, but really, I'm sure the glory will be evenly distributed.) Mmmmm ... cake.

Goddess of the week: CORDELIA

She may be known as the goddess of summer flowers, the Queen of May and a graceful fairy spirit, but Cordelia is no sissy - she teaches you to stand your ground in order for good things to come your way.

I know what is best for me

I feel like I’m in the rainforest sometimes. My office is in a really pretty area and the view from the large windows is amazing, especially when exotic-looking birds come around. I just heard a tap on the window and wondered who could be dangling at the 2nd floor of an office building. I turned and saw that a bird had tapped its beak. “Oh … hello.”

Five Strengths

Musing Woman tagged me for a meme. I have to name five of my strengths as a writer/artist. For some reason we hate pointing out positive things about ourselves. And when I say "we," I mean "me," but here goes.

1. I have a wealth of material and resources; my best stuff is based on people I know and things I've been through.
   
2. I have the ability to pack a lot of feeling and description into relatively small space. I've written some pieces that were only a few paragraphs long but got incredible feedback, that readers felt like they really knew the characters and such.
   
3. Poetry comes easy to me. It's not always good - I would say 50% of my poems are crap and 50% are good, but the good ones (like the bad) just come to me. I can sit down and write a poem I'm really proud of in five minutes, and rarely need to edit more than a word here and there.
   
4. I am a very sentimental writer. My work has made people cry (mainly things I write about a person will make that person cry).
   
5. I can come up with really great imagery. I wish I could do it more often - I feel like you can read several pages and then be struck by this one great sentence, and I wish I could sprinkle them more liberally throughout. But I appreciate that I get them at all.

I tag my writer friends: Wolverine, Andi

I'm back. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a decent meme, so it's just me. (I got fed up when a "Which Sex and the City character are you?" quiz told me I'm Charlotte. I am so Miranda.)

Anyway, feeling much better. Not afraid of jinxing it because it is clearly not in my mind. Thank you Goddess, oh, thank you. I kiss your feet.

Boyfriend and I went out to get some nice food for dinner. We went to Whole Foods and I got a pecan feta salad with tofu thrown in, a parmesan ciabata roll and a serving (get real, it's like 3 servings, but whatever) of chocolate cream pie.

(Didn't that just make you drool?)

We also got the last two DVDs of Rome. Once this is over, I don't know what I'll do. I hope the next series we get into captivates me as much. And maybe I'll stop having such violent dreams.

I have been working from home practically all week because I am in horrible, agonizing pain. The dentist promised me that today I would feel better, though I've been on anti-b's since Tuesday. If not, he will conclude that I am some kind of mutant and will change them.

I actually do feel a little better, though I am frightened to say so and jinx it. I can safely say that I have never been through anything as physically painful as this has been.

Can't wait for that childbirth! ;)

I'm listening to dc Talk and it's a real blast from the past. You know how music can bring you back to other places in your life? I feel 15 again, and it's crazy...

Man, I miss believing in something.

Anyway, what else? Gave up most of my freelancing gigs for one big one that I'm excited about. Have taken a break from genealogy research, but found a ton of great stuff before I did. Have not been counting calories but am probably losing weight from not eating. Jazzercise DVD is overdue at the library and those bastards charge $1 a day.

I will prob be back with a meme because I'm so darn bored.

A Summer to Remember

Well, well, well. I had a throat infection in July, another throat infection in August, and an emergency trip to the dentist today confirmed that I have a gum infection. On antibiotics for three months straight. It's so not fair!

Oh, and I'm in excruciating pain. More like agony.

If I lived alone, I probably would have crawled into a closet and died by now. They wouldn't have found me until they wanted their next rent check. Yes, I blog mushy stuff about Boyfriend a lot and it makes you all sick but I-don't-care-because-he-is-amazing-and-it's-my-damn-blog. I have put this man through three months of practically waiting on me hand and foot while I lay around moaning or wake him up in the middle of the night because "it hurts."

As a feminist and a purported man-hater, I think it's important that I give a shout-out to the best man in the world for being the way he is.

One of the suggested affirmations from the inner goddess newsletter in my inbox this morning:

My smile comes easily.

I think that's a really good one, especially because I'm a super-bitch.

Well, not really, but sometimes I get agitated. I had a bit of a rough morning today because my wisdom tooth is impacted or whatever and I'm in great pain. Couple that with the fact that my ring didn't fit and I was totally pissed.

You see, over the weekend Boyfriend and I went to the local Celtic store that I have been wanting to check out for a long time. I have wanted a piece of Celtic jewelry for years now. We found a beautiful silver ring - I will take a picture of it the next time it fits on my fat finger - and he bought it for me. I just love it. This was Saturday, and this morning it doesn't fit. Why, oh why?

I think maybe because I had just gotten out of the shower. You know how clothes don't go on as easily right after you bathe?

I hope that's it. I love that frigging ring.

This weekend was great in terms of eating well and exercising. I played catch (softball), did jazzercise tapes and went for long, arduous walks that made me super sweaty. Woot, baby.

*Image from Thalia Took, an amazing artist. Check her out. I'm a big fan.

*Cross-posted at the Feminist Pulse

Huge pet peeve: women who wear inappropriate clothing to the office.

Why does this make me so mad? I am certainly not jealous. It just annoys me when a teenager bounces around with cleavage hanging out in a place of business. Gloria Steinem, Andrea Dworkin... work in vain?

Yes, "it's their choice, that's what feminism is all about"... blah blah blah.

Everyone's feminism is different, and mine is about being taken seriously in the office, not men talking to my chest. I accomplish this by dressing like a professional.

I am working on a really tedious project that requires quite a bit of time but not a whole lot of brain power. I was thinking about Rome and thought I would share my thoughts.

I think it was a damn good series. Boyfriend and I watched all of season one, finishing with the finale over the long weekend. The finale was difficult because some things I had been dreading came to pass, and I know that the next season will be profoundly impacted by these events. That shows you it's a good show; I'm so emotionally invested. We rented discs 1 and 2 of the second and final season so that will be coming up soon! :)

(Why do they have to put seasons on like 6-8 different DVDs? Money-grubbing bastards. How can you put two episodes on one disc and sell it on its own?)

Day 24

Last night was a dieting disaster. Boyfriend and I went to an Italian restaurant I really like - cozy and slightly romantic but not too upscale, you could wear jeans if you wanted to - and I lost control. I wore one of my new dresses and we sat outside in the dusk. I had one glass of white wine too many and suddenly I couldn't distinguish feelings of fullness. Theoretically, it wasn't that bad... we didn't even have an entree, just a couple of appetizers and dessert. But along with that bread basket and olive oil it was a caloric nightmare. I swayed happily and sang along with the middle-aged band who kept playing Beatles songs. I had a great time but when I got home I fell asleep immediately at around 9 PM.

Today I am extremely motivated to undo the horrible damage I have done.

I succumbed and put half and half in my coffee. I don't care; I have been doing damn well. Over the weekend I made a pasta and vegetable dish (from a healthy cookbook) that was yummy and really low-cal. Boyfriend and I went swimming and played ball in the fields and such. Today is aerobics class numero uno but I may have to skip because my damn mattress hurt my back. Was in bed practically all day yesterday!

Girlistic Magazine (the publication in conjunction with the Feminist Pulse, whom I blog for) has a new issue out, and the theme is "Feminism and Food." I enjoyed it A LOT. Head over there if you're so inclined.

I have become mildly obsessed with this genealogy research. Found out that the library holds subscriptions to those expensive sites I can't afford; all I have to do is go there and take advantage. Constructed my family tree yesterday and harassed my mother for information. She doesn't have all that much, but my grandmothers do. Making some calls this weekend :)


Yesterday Artsy Friend came over and we had coffee and talked for a few hours. It was fun. I hadn't yet "hosted" in my own apartment before, unless you count Boyfriend's friends coming over to watch the game.

Finished some of this week's deadlines which has alleviated some of the pressure. Some.

Day 17

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I replaced my beloved half and half this morning with skim milk. My coffee tastes like shit. On Tuesday I start aerobics class. Yay!

In other news, I started researching my genealogy. This is something I have ALWAYS wanted to do but thought it was too expensive and hard. I found a free site, RootsWeb.com, and I'm sure there are others. This is really exciting to me.

After I get into work a tad late due to a doctor's appointment...

"So how did that, um, brain transplant go this morning?"

It's nice to know that I have such a sensitive employer.

I got a seemingly stable freelance writing gig that I am jazzed about. I'm meeting with the guy on Thursday to discuss the future, but I already did a piece for his company and he is very happy with it. I never do PR work for companies that are in the same industry as mine because that would be a conflict of interest and just wrong. (Plus, I'm sure that I have somewhere signed something saying I wouldn't, though I couldn't point you to it.) But this is a retail company that sells things that are practically from another planet as my company's products, so I worry not.

I had a fun weekend. Saturday night Boyfriend and I tried to revive our Sunday night ritual by buying and cooking some delicacies, pouring some wine, and watching the first two episodes of Rome. First we had Sopranos, then the Tudors, but now we've got nothing, so we tried it. Not bad; I think we both got into it, although I have to turn away every five seconds because I can't stand gore.

Yesterday we went shopping. All day we were at the mall, and I came home with a ton of cheap, gorgeous stuff. I was/am very happy. Just to give you an idea... I bought two pretty dresses that fit me perfectly for the combined total of $21. Today I wore a new outfit to work and a colleague whistled when I got out of my car. Things are looking up for the not-cute intern.

For those of you concerned about energy expenditure, use Blackle instead of Google. Same search engine, more green.

(I think it's sexy looking, too.)

Day 12

So I read the calorie guidelines more carefully, and I am supposed to be burning 500-750 more calories than I take in each day, not 300 like I had been doing. Yesterday I got it up to 500 because of a long, one hour walk we took. Guess that will be the minimum goal from now on. 500 calories per day equals loss of 1 pound a week, as 1 pound of fat equals 3500 calories.

I have begun using a calorie counting tool online and it is working really well for me. In the last two days I managed to burn around 300 more calories than I consumed. If I can just do that every day it will slowly and surely come off.

I have arranged for a Saturday night hangout with Artsy Friend, which I am pretty jazzed about. I watch Sex and the City episodes and I get bummed about not being surrounded by estrogen. I'm used to that, you know, in my family. I have two awesome female friends in town that I have to start making plans with more often. So Saturday! Girls night out! Frozen margaritas baby!

So I keep telling myself, Okay, I'm going to focus on banging out my classes and stop taking on freelance writing jobs. But I can't stick to it. It's not just that I'm incapable of saying 'no,' but I am incapable of not going out and searching the boards and soliciting people to hire me. It's just too tempting. I mean, if I see that someone will pay me $50 for an article it will take me a half hour to write it... damn it, I'm going to do it. And gigs like that are few and far between, which means I work my tail off to get and keep them. I try to tell myself I will take it out of my 'leisure time' but I don't think I have any of that anymore!

I just came across my japa beads in the side pocket of my purse while looking for a scrunchie, and came to the sad realization that I don't meditate anymore. Not "once in a while," but never. The last time I meditated was on the way home from the airport in NY because I was really stressed out and wanted to kill someone.

Goal: to meditate every night

This morning I met with the COO and they are having me do a whole bunch of work on the marketing plan for our company's new product. I suppose they are going to really make me work for this new salary. I don't care; I feel important! And consequently, happy.

I have decided to go to the mall this weekend and buy some fabulous new clothes. I detest clothes shopping and tend to dress like a hobo in order to avoid it, but I am still on my work high and want to be a stud.

Gosh I wish the Traveler was in town to go with me! :) She should have one of those shows where you make people over, I swear.

I really want to buy a dress. I don't think I own a dress. Not a fancy one, but something to wear to work and out for drinks with friends. Something like this maybe?

Day 8

Today at work I noticed in the ladies' room mirror that I looked slimmer. It could have been my imagination but that was the distinct impression that I got, and it made me feel good all day. Then for dinner I had a bad-ass burger and fries.

I'm not sorry.

I have had a rough ass week. They gave me an injection for my strep throat which led to my left leg being numb for several days. (When does that happen??) They hit a nerve or something; incompetent bastards. I am hoping it will go away because I can't do another minute in that hell-hole, I mean, emergency room.

I am back at work today. Nearly finished with antibiotics but they make me nauseous and there's the, uh, numb leg thing, so I was kinda worried about coming back. But I feel good having work to do and being at my desk with my coffee (not my healthy latte, but my coffee). I hope that will last throughout the day.

What else, what else... not much actually. I lined up some freelance gigs, which is good, but have to balance them with finishing my damn classes, which is not so good. Some good news, though, is that someone at my school is lobbying with the dean for me to get me internship credit for writing this damn book. If it works out, that will take care of the last class I need and I can finally graduate!!

I have the best boyfriend in the world. He cleared his pretty full, pretty important schedule today to stay home with me.

:)

I am doing okay. This is not the most pleasant thing, obviously, but whatever. I got some movies from the library yesterday and have a ton of deadlines today, so I am all set up with stuff to do. I also have Butterfinger hot chocolate. You know, for my throat....

I have strep throat. I had to go to the hospital yet again (darn doctors who don't take walk-ins), but this time, I got a very painful injection that made me want to throw up all over the emergency room and then eventually displace another patient from her room so I could lie down. Yeah.

Day 3

Yesterday my skort was loose around my waist, which was a happy occurence. Last night, however, Boyfriend and I had dinner at CF and... it was bad.

Today will be better!

Breakfast:
Sojourness's Cafe Latte - Glass of skim milk, dash of coffee, 2 Splenda's
Whole wheat bagel with butter spread, peach and raspberries

*Note: Bad sleeping-with-air-conditioner-on sore throat! Punishment from the gods!

Have to share this because I love it

Day 2

I didn't exercise yesterday the way I wanted to. I know it sounds like a lame excuse, but life gets in the way. It's hard. If it were easy everyone would be in shape.

I am determined to today. I reserved a DVD at the library called "Dance it off!" or some other inane title. Dancing is fun. It's gotta be fun or I won't do it. Consequently, Boyfriend and I are going to start playing sports together - tennis, swimming, whatever.

I ate well yesterday though. Very well, I'd say.

This afternoon, Boss gave me a vase full of flowers and a hefty Cheesecake Factory gift card, with a greeting card that read, "Thank you so much for doing a fabulous job on the book. You are just completely awesome!"

:)

Fitness diary

Day 1 of the rest of my life, not being lived as a blob.

Date: 8/13/2007
Weight: X lbs.
Projected exercise: Jumping rope and walking around the track

Update

• I did not write my essay, but I did outline it and get that approved by the professor so I can write it this week.
• I did revise my review.
• I did not write my article.
• I did drink wine :)
• I did watch a movie - Bee Season on HBO on Demand. Interesting but a bit disappointing.
• I did not go swimming.
• I did go out to dinner! Boyfriend took me out in celebration of an important writer's milestone I have crossed. We went to an Italian restaurant where I had a peach Bellini and we ate bruschetta and shrimp scampi and Italian cream cake. Mmmmmmm.
• I did exercise - Boyfriend and I went walking, uphill and along the track, at a local park.
• I did forget those fucks. I'm done trying.

I also...

• Finished two books.
• Bought some sorely needed picture frames and other home-y materials.
• Relaxed :)

Good weekend.

Things I want to accomplish this weekend:

• Write essay
• Revise review
• Write article
• Drink wine
• Watch a movie
• Go swimming
• Go out to dinner
• Exercise (most likely in the form of Dance Dance Revolution)
• Forget the fact that my book clubbers have deserted me for the last time, dammit

How much of that will actually happen remains to be seen, but it's good to have goals.

I made Indian food for the first time last night! It was very exciting. I had never done it before because the recipes are so complicated - you've gotta have turmeric, cumin, and all this other stuff. I didn't realize that if you just buy "Curry Powder," it's got all of that stuff in it already. I made chicken curry with onions, and garlic naan (not from scratch, are you crazy?). I also made a soup that didn't turn out well. For dessert, I made bread pudding using Boyfriend's mother's recipe; she taught me how to make it during the visit since it is his favorite. I felt very domestic and proud of myself. A rare occurence. Don't get too excited.

I just want to take a moment to say that I love Cinnamon Raisin Bagel Chips.

I am going to go back on Weight Watchers. A friend of mine is on it and is helping me reorient myself, since it has been... oh... six years since I last did it. I am also joining an aerobics class for the month of September - yay!

New company lounge nearly done. Found out today we're getting a pool table. Crazy, huh? I will be too afraid to use it, thinking my boss will think I'm slacking off. (Which is what I would be doing, but why else have a pool table at work?) I remember playing a hospital game on the computer - this was before the Sims revolution - and you created and furnished your hospital, and when you put a pool table in the employee lounge, no one did any work. People were dropping dead because doctors and nurses were shooting pool. Think I should mention that to my boss? Ha ha.

P.S. Second Bridget Jones movie was fab as well. My new favorite quote: "I refuse to work with someone who believes that Iran is the name of David Bowie's wife."

Okay, I accidentally left my Dilbert desk calendar/planner at home today, which means I feel like I am missing a limb.

Yesterday was a company-sponsored beach party that Boyfriend and I went to. The area was beautiful - on a large lake - but it was a waterpark and more geared towards colleagues with children. We stayed a few hours, had lunch, got our caricatures done (yesss!) and then went home to relax.

I'm covered in mosquito bites and can't stop scratching. Help!!

We have our monthly meeting this morning but no one is really here, not even the big boss. Free donut minus sitting through an hour of meeting = great way to start a Monday!

How did I get TLC's "What About Your Friends?" stuck in my head? I mean, that's not even CrazySexyCool... that's the older album I had on cassette. Not exactly classic, and I have no idea how it popped in.

I am working on a project that, while important, is boring as all hell. It is one of those tedious things that doesn't require much thought so I wish I could listen to music while doing it, but my comp's sound doesn't really work and I don't have headphones anyway. Madonna.

Boyfriend is back tomorrow night; thank Goddess, I swear. I'm not letting him out of my sight for the rest of the year.

There is a bad smell in this building and they say it is probably because a raccoon came in and died. Yummy.

Speaking of wildlife, I saw deer on the way to work this morning. Two men, with the antlers, and a woman. Gorgeous.

Went to the therapist last night ("I'll take 'The Rapists' for $200, Alex" ... God, I miss that show when it was good) and felt better. I had been having a rough few days. Not feeling too bad today; hopefully it will last ;) Also spoke to the Traveler on the phone last night, which always makes me smile. She had some interesting jelly bean stories to share.

I know that the new apartment is officially 'home' because I banged my leg on our bed the other night and have a huge, nasty bruise and cut, which is something I always did in the other apartment. I've christened it.

This is interesting. I had been following the whole stolen Italian art thing way back and hadn't heard about it since then.

[Pressing Things] To Do:

Unpack

Write paper on Henry IV

I was feeling shitty the other day because Dev Guy referred to me as an intern once again, and I thought, "I have been here almost a year. My anniversary is coming up. I'm not an intern anymore!" And then I got down because I am stuck in a Catch-22: I work full-time to pay the bills, which makes it hard for me to finish my degree, which prevents me from making more money. But now that the CEO's book is written and will be on Amazon in a matter of weeks, I feel very proud of what I have accomplished. I never did anything like that before and I'm glad that I have that credential next to my name. So screw it. I'm doing what I can, and I'm happy.

What kind of world are we living in when you can't trust your Lean Pocket in the office freezer?

Last night I watched Bridget Jones's Diary and cried when Boyfriend texted me that he was in Central Park and wished I was there. I don't even like chick flicks but this was a good movie. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Checking the sequel out of the library so I can be disappointed :)

My mother called me as well since she hadn't heard from me since my return. She brought up the weight thing again, being helpful with a suggestion she had gotten from someone, somewhere. I was glad she called, though, because I was lonely in that smelly apartment. I don't like being a bachelorette for a week. I will like it more Friday night at the movies with Artsy Friend, but not till then.

You know, I have totally revamped my eating habits in the last months. If you look in my refrigerator you will find fruits and vegetables. My freezer has diet meals and frozen vegetables, skinless chicken breasts and low-cal waffles. I have sugar-free cookies, which I do not eat too many of, and pretzels and tea and the like. Exercise is key, because I haven't been doing any, and the lack of it has apparently walloped me good.

Conversations from the Scale

"I'm telling you ... low-carb," Mother tells me. "No more than 20 grams a day. That's the only way to change your metabolism."
"Geez Mom, stop picking on me."
"I'm not!"
"That's the fourth time you've mentioned it."
"It's just that I know you're unhappy."
"I never said I was unhappy. How do you know I am?"
"I know you. I know you're not happy like that."
"Look, I told you, the doctor said it was the combination of medications. It's not my fault."
"I know. Do you really need them?"

--

"Um, your nurse just weighed me and it seems I've somehow gained twenty pounds since I saw you last month?"
"Hmm. That is curious."
"How can that even be possible? I think I would have noticed. Is that even physically possible?"
"Well, maybe it's the medication that did that."
"Really?"
"Or maybe you just had a bad month." He smiles.

A bad month? I think to myself.

It is great to be back home, and great to be back at work. (Did I just say that?)

Moving has been kind of crazy. I got home from the airport Saturday night at around 11:00 and started packing up my apartment! Yesterday I moved it all a few doors down to the new apartment, except for the heavy stuff, which someone helped me with. Only problem now is the fact that: a) the apartment stinks from the last tenant's cat and dog and b) the toilet doesn't flush. I need to call these people and get someone in there today because a working toilet is seriously essential to one's quality of life. The carpets have been cleaned and re-cleaned so we will need to get them replaced to get that stink out. Geez Louise.

Otherwise things are calm. I am so glad the moving went so smoothly. Sure, I'm sore and exhausted, but done in one day!

Also, just want to thank whoever vandalized the bathroom on the plane that was supposed to take me home, so that the airline got paranoid about terrorism and ripped it out and put it back in, delaying my flight by nearly two hours. Would also like to thank the parents who sat next to me with their horrible children for not knowing how to discipline, as well as the airline itself for changing my seat at the last minute to accomodate someone else and sitting me next to Rosemary's baby.

I am starting to believe that perhaps young boys should take a mandatory class on how to converse with women without staring at their breasts. I realize that it is quite natural for men to do this, just as women naturally cannot help staring at a man's package while they are speaking (Oh, wait... we don't do that!), but there has to be some way to nip this thing in the bud so that by the time they grow into middle-aged and elderly men, they will perhaps have a clue.

*Cross-posted at the Feminist Pulse because the wider the audience, the better. Perhaps some chest-talkers out there will take heed!

Almost completely over the infection. The wonders of antibiotics. I will probably even go home (to my parents' house) tonight. Fly *home* home on Saturday. Moving this weekend - aaaggghh! - and then by next week should be back into my groove.


Interesting short little fact: I recently read somewhere that Hindus do not really believe in many gods. Rather, they believe in one God but many different incarnations. Kind of like representations of traits, but not separate gods. Then Boyfriend's Mother said something to that effect last night as we discussed religion. She also drew parallels between the Garden of Eden mythology and Hindu mythology, that both stories are about humans who go beyond the boundaries of where they are supposed to go, and get punished for it.

Kind of interesting, I thought. Still dying to read the Ramayana; think I may when I get home.

Scrawled in my notebook:

7 - I don't know what day it is. Sick in bed. Real sick. Throat = burning, scratching, agony, pain! pain! pain! Ears = pain! Neck = pain! Glands = swollen and lumpy. Hair = matted with sweat. Eyes = glazed over. How long have I been in this bed in Boyfriend's aunt's apartment, sucking down cough syrup and reading every book his cousins own? I was supposed to go home to my family today and fly home on Tuesday morning, but looks like plans must change as I can't move.

This morning Boyfriend took me to the emergency room which, thankfully, was just across the street. I have a throat infection. They gave me penicillin and some painkillers that make me want to heave up my insides and then pass out. But at least it kills the pain.

Changed my flight to Saturday and wrote an email to my boss, including the information about the hospital visit so he takes me seriously and does not give my job to the Marketing intern who wears short shorts.

The vacation has been good so far, for the most part. It got off to a stressful beginning only because my family home is stressful and always will be, but it is wonderful to spend time with my sisters and to see Boyfriend again. Sounds crazy since we live together but that week alone was the pits. And his parents are totally sweet.

Of course I was nervous about meeting them but all has gone extremely well. His mother gave me a pair of earrings and a necklace that I love. We all went to my favorite museum together, and to dinner in Little Italy. When I left today, his father said, "When are you coming back?" and seemed glad to hear 'tomorrow' as my response. After I left the house we ran into each other as they came back from shopping, me on one side of the street and them on the other. Boyfriend's father called across to me, "Tomorrow!" :)

I love these little girls and sometimes it makes me want to cry that I live so far away and that they get upset when they count off the days of my trip on the calendar. I just know in my heart, though, that staying here at this point, when I cannot afford a life of my own outside of this house, would not be in my best interest. And if I'm not okay, it doesn't help them much.