words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup • they slither while they pass • they slip away across the universe • pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind • possessing and caressing me
On the bus home from a night over with my family. It's so weird to read my old blog posts and compare what my life/family/world was like then and how it is now.
I used to live here, in this house on Staten Island, amidst what I affectionately refer to as the "chaos." I would take the express bus into Manhattan for work, summer internships, or just to hang out with my friends. Manhattan was the island of dreams! To think that one day I would be living a stone's throw from my beloved Union Square, my beloved Strand Bookstore. It is unreal. If I had known it then, I would have been shocked and excited.
So many things have changed from when I started this blog in 2005. I can remember sitting in the front room of my family home, excitedly writing up and publishing my blog posts. Seven years ago, and so much has changed. I'm married now. Father is gone, another man in his place. Kid Sisters #1 and 2 are starting junior high school.
There's that famous question, "What would you tell a younger you? What advice would you give, based on your perspective in hindsight?" I don't even know what I would tell my younger self about the future. She couldn't possibly imagine what it would turn out like and would have a hard time believing me if I told her. The good, the bad and the ugly. Could I tell her, "Hang in there, things get better?" Yes, and it would be true. Could I also tell her, "You are going to go through so much more pain that you went through before?" Yes, and she wouldn't find it possible, but it will happen. "You will gain perspective and understanding of what it all means eventually." Sort of. Yes. Sure.
Who knows? Maybe the me in 10 years has a better answer to that one!