I thank God that I have never lost someone close to me to suicide. Yet recently, I have seen people that I love touched by suicide, and it is pretty terrifying. In the first case, a few weeks ago a good friend lost a friend and colleague who was about my age. The girl had been applying to medical school, had a good job and plenty of friends, and showed no signs of severe depression or suicidal tendencies before doing this. Then yesterday I found out that a good friend and colleague of my mother's took his life. He was only 32, and I had met him a few times. Though I didn't know him well, he was my mother's closest friend at work. She talked about him constantly when she started her job 10 years ago and I was still a teenager living at home. I actually feel like I did know him, though I really didn't. Apparently he, too, showed no signs until he posted a farewell note on his Facebook account and ended his life.
I can't stop thinking about him. I see him when I try to go to sleep. I keep remembering his last words on Facebook. I try to be supportive of my mother's grief and hide my own. Why is this affecting me so much when he wasn't technically my friend?
Suicide is so incredibly horrible because it's preventable. The person did not get cancer or get hit by a bus. The person made a definitive choice to end his/her life. Did they really think it through? I wonder. Did they realize it would be over for good? Why didn't they know how important they were to the rest of us, how much we would suffer for this?
And when the basic human instinct is to survive at all costs, why are so many of us making such a choice? According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, every year over 1 million people kill themselves across the globe. What is going on?
I can't get this out of my mind. I feel such a sadness.
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