You Light Up My Life

Well, Christmas was not as devastating as I thought it would be. I had been laying around my house, practically comatose, playing the World's Biggest Asshole because I didn't want to celebrate Christmas this year. I had a good reason - a traumatic event happening around the holidays is enough to put a damper on all the festivities - but Mother told me to suck it up because I have small siblings and we had to make it a good Christmas for them. And it did actually turn out to be a lot of fun. Yes, it was depressing to visit Father in the nursing home, but there were other memorable moments.

Sister got me some really cool presents: a pair of fuzzy, blue socks with a walrus on them (a Magical Mystery Tour reference, she says), Aurora Leigh by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (she attributes this gift to performing an eBay search for 'feminist' and 'poetry' and buying the first thing that came up), some girly shower gels, and a Vincent Van Gogh calendar (I heart him).

Kid Sisters gave me a small candle that they purchased at their school holiday fair. Kid Sister #1 handed it to me, wrapped, and exclaimed, "Here! It's a candle!"

Sister's Boyfriend gave me the nicest little Buddha statue ever. I love it.

Mother gave me many things, but I am going to list the most memorable. No, I'm not referring to the pair of leather gloves that she deemed appropriate for her vegetarian daughter. I'm talking about the two items that came from a website that allows you to put a picture on anything.

A few weeks ago I received a nice surprise thanks to this website. My mother thought it would be amusing to put the image of me holding two beers (this one) on a t-shirt with a caption that reads, "Read About It In My Blog." I swear, she did. When I didn't exhibit the reaction she anticipated (I burst into hysterical laughter, but not in the genuine way she had hoped), she said, "Oh, you don't get it." I said, "Oh, but I do." She tries so hard.

After that, I made her swear not to give me Christmas presents with my face on them.

She decided that she would do that, just to spite me.

I received a pillow with a picture of Boyfriend and myself on it, and - even better - a light switch plate with our picture and the words You Light Up On My Life on it.

I swear I'm not making this up.

I have never laughed so hard in my entire life.

Merry Christmas to me.