Fiance is on a 13-hour flight right now, coming home after a month abroad with his parents. I can hardly wait to pick him up from the airport.

I am all over the place emotionally this week. I haven't been "home" (like, where I live) in 5 months and I have a bit of anxiety over moving into a new apartment and going back to work after all this time. I also have guilt and sad feelings over leaving my family, as I always do. Kid Sister #2 is hell-bent on returning to Texas and Mother seems open to allowing them to spend spring break or part of the summer with me, which is great news. At the very least I can focus on that. Still, it's hard when, for example, a 3 year old makes a pouty face and says, "But I going to miss you." There are no defenses against that, really.

In addition, I have so much cleaning/packing/farewelling to do in only a couple of days and I'm swamped with work from the office. Dude.

To Do List for the day

• Find food coloring for baking Christmas cookies. I lost it somewhere.
  
  
• Upload photos onto Mother's digital photo frame (Christmas present) while she is at work.
  
  
• Make a dent in cleaning out my old bedroom since Sister is considering a move.
  
  
• Do laundry.
  
  
• Start packing.
  
  
• Call and harass my former property management company since it has been 5 months since I left the apartment in great shape and still no deposit returned to me.
  
  
• Think about/order Baby Sister's birthday present.
  
  
• Exercise.

Starting to have many more down moments than up ones. Is it Fiance’s absence? Is it the impending end of my time with family and friends? Is the holidays that, though I love them, highlight all of the holes and dark, empty spaces?

Maybe it’s just PMS.

Fiance has been gone for 12 days. He'll be back in 3 weeks. Painful, I tell you. But we are getting through. I have my sisters to ease the pain, and he has his servants and swimming pool :)

After several years, I am starting to resent my work as a ghostwriter. It is draining to never get credit for your work, to have it go to someone else who hasn't done anything. I know this is what I get paid for, but it is hard. I just saw some feedback on an article I wrote. My boss, who supposedly wrote it, was hailed by the magazine editor as one of the top writers on this subject in business. (Would they still find it so compelling if they knew it did not come from a middle-aged CEO, but from an underpaid 20-something woman?) Such a high compliment for my work, but it didn't go to me. And instead of feeling good about it, I feel like crap.