Our India trip is almost at an end. It was pretty amazing and will not be our last, considering Husband is Indian. I look forward to future trips where we can really dig into specific areas - Rajasthan, Bombay, South India...

For my first trip, I got to see most of Delhi as well as the Taj Mahal (breathtaking, not overhyped at all!) and other cool monuments in Agra. Not bad!

It's time for New Year's resolutions. I love them because I really get a chance to hone in on things I want to accomplish, though each December/Jan I do get a twinge of guilt in realizing resolutions that have gone unfulfilled. For example, I accomplished very few of the resolutions I made for 2009. Looks like I didn't blog about 2010 resolutions (whew). Yet there is also the 101 list, the deadline of which is coming up (can you believe it?) Looking back (and updating it accordingly), I've actually accomplished a hell of a lot off of it - wow!

Okay, so I feel better :) Now to think about 2011, and possibly a new 101 list...

I'm at my parents' house waiting for the coffee to percolate. Fiance and I extended our trip because Grandfather is in the hospital in critical condition. His heart is in bad shape and it is causing a host of other problems. We are hoping and praying for a recovery though all we can do right now is wait.

In other news, I had my interviews last week and I think they went well. I am nowhere near done on this search but I have not applied for anything new while on this trip. It has been too hectic. We did accomplish some wedding stuff - namely, we tried a few caterers and I took Sister to try on bridesmaid dresses.

Mother was so excited that I was home for Easter for the first time in years that she gave me an Easter basket. Sounds silly since I am in my 20s but it was actually pretty cool. She gave me a movie basket with popcorn, candy, soda, a DVD and a gift card for Regal. She is so cute! I am working on finding the perfect birthday present for her but no luck so far. Fiance and I are thinking concert tickets because she's big into those.

Today and tomorrow we are going to try to look at additional venues but it's so hard to get people on the phone. I don't get it, are they so overwhelmed by business that they don't need leads?

Starting to have many more down moments than up ones. Is it Fiance’s absence? Is it the impending end of my time with family and friends? Is the holidays that, though I love them, highlight all of the holes and dark, empty spaces?

Maybe it’s just PMS.

What 8 Year Olds Are Thankful For

Hilarious. I love that 'internet connection' topped 'food' and 'shelter.'

Holi-daze

Can't help it, I love lists.

• New fundraising idea from Fiance - mega yard sale. This is a great one for a lot of reasons - namely, my family is made up of packrats who are sitting on a goldmine of toys, gadgets, DVDs, etc. that they wouldn't even notice missing. Not to mention the fact that my mother has politely requested that after living elsewhere for over 3 years, I finally get my shit together and clean out my old bedroom. Sad, I know. Obviously I have tons of books and stuff down there. Does anyone still buy CDs? What if they are 50 cents to a dollar? :)
  
  
• Fiance left 2 days ago to return to his parents abroad for a month. Yes, it sucks big time, but I'm happy for him... somewhere inside... I'm sure I am...
  
  
• Mother and EFS took Sisters away to "the country" for the weekend and I stayed behind to hang out with Sister, whom I haven't seen much in the month that I've been back. She works 2 jobs and goes to college. She barely sleeps, and obviously doesn't have much time/energy to socialize. She's been making me watch a bunch of dumb comedy movies but I don't mind, it's just nice to be with her.
  





• I have a couple of close people in my life who just had babies and I want to give them a nice 'Baby's 1st Christmas' gift. Websites like Zazzle let you put photos on ornaments and stuff but it seems... I don't know, plain vanilla and overpriced? I keep thinking I could make a much jazzier photo ornament with some color in it. Looking for ideas online. So far, this is the cutest one I've found.
  


• I have always been a holiday-loving person. The last few years have been weird, what with all the tragedy putting a damper on festivities, but I would rather go through the holiday season with a few down moments than not at all. There's just something about it that excites me and makes me feel warm inside. We have plenty of traditions in my family - opening presents at midnight on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning, fancy dinners that Mom cooks, playing Christmas music in the house, baking cookies. I am trying to start some new traditions myself (ooh! it's a list within a list!)
  
  
  
  
  - Last year I created a Holiday playlist at playlist.com and it kicked ass. I've got all the classics on it - Stevie Wonder, Band Aid, Paul McCartney - and a new album I'm in love with, Songs for Christmas by Sufjan Stevens. Listen to some of them on playlist.com or YouTube or wherever. So good.
  
  - I would like to get into some Christmas crafts with Kid & Baby Sisters. There are tons of ideas online but it takes time to wade through them all. Kids love arts & crafts, especially *my* kids, and it's fun to do that kind of stuff together.
  
  - On that same note, Kid Sisters and I have been making handmade gifts together. For example, while Kid Sister #1 was home from school with strep throat last week, we got out the origami kit and made a couple of picture frames, then put their school photos in it and wrapped it for Mom. Kid Sister #1, who can knit at 8 years old, also made Mom a coaster. She's making one for me now. She's bummed because it can't be a surprise - she needs my help when she drops stitches. Cute.
  
  - Visiting a ton of family. I always saw one set of my grandparents for the holidays, but that was usually it. Now that my father has passed away, however, I am really starting to reevalute the meaning of family in my life and call up aunts, uncles, cousins, and such. It has been really rewarding so far. For example, a bunch of us cousins grew up together, playing together every weekend, and then for some reason, we fell out of touch as teenagers. A couple of us are now married, babies on the way, and reconnecting with them has been fantastic. It's great when I'm in town and can actually get together, rather than just calling from Texas to catch up.
  
  - I am tempted as all hell to put on a Charlie Brown Christmas play with the kids. I know, I am being psycho ambitious but I have never been home for this long before!! I always get 2 weeks with my family, but this year I have over 2 months.

Random Catching Up

I bet you don't believe me but I *so* miss blogging here. I don't even have a good reason for not, except a general lack of excitement about my everyday life. Since I haven't written in weeks, let me try to scrounge something up:

• Home (as in my family's home) for a month now and wrangled another month out of my job back in TX. Blessing and a curse as I'm sure those of you with your own residences who visit 'home' know quite well. Love spending time with all the Sisters, but too much time with kids is hard, as is everyday life around Evil Faux Stepfather. I haven't written much about him or his relationship with Mother since I don't feel right airing my family's dirty laundry so to speak, but suffice it to say that Sister and I cannot stand him and with good reason.
  
  
• Fiance and I have been spending a lot of time looking at wedding venues. It is really exciting but also exhausting. He is going abroad again tomorrow to spend another month with his parents, and while he is gone The Traveler is going to venue-shop with me. She is the PERFECT person to do it!!
  
  
• I also DIY gifts at this time of year. In the past it has been hats and/or scarves for Mother and Sisters, but this year I am trying to branch out. That means balaclava for Baby Sister (done), mittens for Kid Sisters (almost done) and Jay and Silent Bob fingerless gloves for Sister (in progress). Don't ask me how I am doing the last one - it was a vision I had involving knit gloves and felt and it is actually coming out REALLY well. I am planning to finish up quick and give them to her now so she can actually use them before Christmas. I'll post pictures, I promise.
  
  
• Trying to think of ways to save some dough for the wedding. Nothing earth-shattering has come up yet but let me bounce these off you:
  
  - Freelance writing/editing/blogging jobs
  
  - Saving pocket change in a jar (don't knock it till you've tried it, I've racked up plenty of spare $20s this way after a trip to a Coinstar machine)
  
  - Selling books and other things from my old bedroom, which Mother is threatening to empty out anyway
  
  - Putting in time to the Time Bank to receive not money, but services, in return (note: this is possibly the best idea I've ever heard of). I could get a graphic designer to do our invitations for free, for example.
  
  - Mooching my books to rack up points for Christmas gifts for Sisters
  
  - Eating out less and finding creative ways to go out with friends for less (haven't been successful at this yet, but cut me a break, it's New York City)
  
  Any other suggestions?

Shhh...

I am back in my hometown (city) spending time with my family for a month before returning to Texas. It's a secret I'm keeping from anyone at my job. Ha ha!

I have only been here for 2 days so far but I managed to find my old Halloween costume in the basement. Queen Guinevere is making a comeback at my sister's costume party tonight.

I lost about 14 pounds while abroad, and I'm hoping that the chocolate from tonight and tomorrow doesn't reverse it ;)

Happy Halloween!

I like the list method. It suits me.

• I may have strep throat. I went to the doctor yesterday and should be finding out today. Lovely.
  
  
• Valentine's Day was sort of a bust because of the (possible) strep throat. I had a whole fancy dinner planned but none of it came to pass because I was sick in bed.
  
  
• Valentine's Day was also awesome because for the first half of the day, before the illness set in, I watched movies, decorated cookies and ate chocolate with my favorite girls in the world (aside from my sisters) - the girls I visit on weekends. They even gave me a Valentine! :)
  
  
• I was in a knitting funk until I decided to start a super cool top for Sister. I bought Simply Soft yarn in a pale green and am working on it right now.
  
  
• Plans continue to be made for Boyfriend's Sister's wedding this summer in Bali. As in, Future MIL is asking for my measurements to make me an Indian outfit!
  

2009: A New Beginning

There's something comforting about going back to work after a vacation. (Oh my gosh, did I just say that?) But honestly, it feels like being anchored to something, like getting back to routine.

I love when a new year starts because it gives me a little push to actually do the shit I say I'm gonna do. I really eat that resolution stuff up. I'm not saying I'm successful but I do like to tell myself that I will be.

Some plans for 2009:

- reconnect with relatives who are not crazy and mean
- push myself even harder in terms of getting to the gym each week and not eating crap
- be more adventurous and try new things just for the hell of it
- go back to my Italian language group and work on my skills, not being intimidated by the prospect of failure

-

Astarte in her aspect as Warrior Queen exemplifies the independence and spirit that drives us to success, both in achieving goals and surviving life's battles.

I am determined to succeed

Happy Holidays

It has always been a tradition in my family to open gifts at Christmas Eve at midnight. This is because my mother's family did it this way when she was a child, and since my parents did not teach Sisters and I about Santa Claus, we continued the custom. There have been various years where we've been too tired to stay up until midnight, so we opened them early. We did this last night, at around 10:30 p.m. The kids made out like bandits and were very excited, naturally. I did pretty well myself:

• Bluetooth and car charger for my phone
• Knitting Pattern-A-Day 2009 Calendar
• Baby blue bathrobe with snowflakes on it
• Various pairs of funky Christmas socks (from Sister)
• A sweater (from Sister)
• A book light (from Sister)
• A statue of a geisha that I wanted several years ago but forgot about (from Sister)
• Beatles DVDs (from Sister)
• Four butterfly shaped candles (from Kid Sisters)
• Birthstone earrings
• A body spray set

I think that my presents went over well too. I gave Kid Sister #1 knitting needles and yarn (as per request), Kid Sister #2 some books that she really liked, and Baby Sister a coloring book and crayons. Mother and Sister got homemade scarves. I also made Sister a scrapbook about Father, including pictures of him from his childhood and little remembrances of his life. I was excited for her to open it, but I immediately felt terrible when she took one look at it and burst into tears. She assured me that she really liked it, and I know she did... I guess I should have seen that coming. It made me really miss him as well. We always opened presents at midnight with him (except the last few years when he was incapacitated).

Today we are going to visit Grandmother, his mother. I am hoping we can slightly brighten her Christmas. She did not want to celebrate it at all this year.

I'm currently "home" for the holidays with my family. This trip is emotionally easier than the last one, though I don't know why. In the days before Thanksgiving, I felt terribly depressed being in the house where we lived when my father disappeared one night, never to return. It jolted me back to the time when I was a young bright-eyed English major, living in this house with my raggedy old car and my nose in a book most of the time, and when all that innocence was taken away. (Innocence... *snort*) So it was a hard trip, though it improved towards the end.

This time around, I have been here for about two days and I am feeling good. Is it Christmas? Christmas was always my favorite holiday as a child - I simply loved it - but since the accident, when everything changed, I had a hard time enjoying it again. I went through the motions for the kids in my family but it was lost to me.

Now, the first year that we are having Christmas without my father, I am enjoying it again. That is startling. Is it because I have been able to breathe a sigh of relaxation, knowing he is not alone in a room, suffering in agony, wondering where his life went terribly wrong? Do I believe in heaven subconsciously and just not know it? I miss him, and I wish with all my heart I could see him on Christmas Day like we did last year, but something has changed, and maybe that something is what will get me through the grief of his passing.

I should write about my weekend because I had a damn good one. Aside from the wonder that was downtown Austin at night with Christmas lights around and a classic movie at a class theatre - which I already wrote about - I did some other really fun things. After work on Friday, Boyfriend went to the Christmas party at the group home with me. I was really excited for him to meet the girls and find out why I talk about them so much. He met them briefly as they ran out to hug me while we walked up the drive, then bombarded him with introductions. "We've been wanting to meet you!!" they yelled. "We saw your picture and Sojourness told us all about you!" They were very hyper and excited because of the party, and we didn't get to talk to them much for the rest of the night, but it was fun. I get so happy just from spending a short amount of time there with them.

Saturday I got trained for a new kind of volunteer work I am considering. I know, I can't stop piling it on. I really can't. I get such a high that I keep looking for more ways to spend time I don't have free :) After that I had lunch with my women writer's group at my favorite Indian restaurant in Austin. The food was outstanding, naturally, and the company was delightful. The women were all older than me but I knew most of them and I always learn a lot from them with regards to my work. Besides, they are fun.

After lunch I drove up north to CL Friend's house for the baking party. I met a ton of new people and we made a ton of cookies. It was a blast but by the time I got home I was exhausted from all the running around. I took it pretty easy on Sunday, knitting, reading, and working on Sister's Christmas present (a scrapbook about Father, which was a big project that took several hours).

Last night Boyfriend and I got takeout from another good Indian restaurant and watched "The Darjeeling Limited," which we had both wanted to see. It was not what we expected but I enjoyed it and I think he did too. It was bizarre and quirky and meaningful and a fun way to pass the evening, especially with samosas and naan in hand. Though, samosas and naan can brighten up anything.

I had a fantastic time seeing a late showing of "It's A Wonderful Life" at a downtown theatre with Boyfriend Friday night. It really made it feel like the holidays, and I just love that movie.

I couldn't help but think about the SNL "Lost Ending" :) It still cracks me up.

Mmm... We just had our company potluck lunch. There were tamales, rice, tortilla soup - this is Texas, after all - plus salads, veggies, pigs in a blanket (made by moi), cheesy potatoes, spinach balls, venison, meatballs, etc. For dessert, we had rum cake, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, homemade chocolate walnut cookies, rice krispies treats and cranberry mousse. Yowser.. it was good.

Tonight Boyfriend and I are going to a Christmas party at the girls' home and then on to a late night viewing of "It's a Wonderful Night" in my favorite downtown theatre. Then tomorrow is a writers group lunch at my favorite Indian restaurant, followed by a cookie baking party at CL Friend's house. Does it get any better?

I hope my stomach - and the rest of my body - get to recuperate on Sunday.

Note: I couldn't pass up that image. Isn't it the coolest poster ever?

Further Updates

• Taught the other 7-year old to knit. She picked it up quickly as well, but got bored just as quickly and went to play Wii. I am a dying breed!!

  
  

• I had dinner the other night with three people I worked with in Venice two years ago, the Traveler and her beau, Boyfriend and a friend from Austin. We ate delightful Turkish food, reminisced, talked about American politics and laughed our asses off. Yay!

  
  

• I got to spend a bit of time with Boyfriend's aunt and cousins, one of whom loved my homemade scarf and tried to abscond with it until I promised to make her one. I also took the opportunity, on my way back to the bus, to pick up souvenirs for the teen girls I mentor back home.

  
  

• Thanksgiving dinner was fantastic. Yes, it was sad to think about the last time we made these dishes and brought them over to share with my father, but it was good to share them with each other again.

  
  

• I am cosmically destined to be told by people over 50 that I am heavier than Sister, as if I hadn't noticed. Always at functions where I would like to enjoy myself eating, and this time, by someone who is not even a family member (of mine)! I must have picked on fat people in a past life.

  
  

• I head home tonight. Not too sad because I will see my family again in a few weeks, and happy to have a weekend to decompress before returning to work.

I think I am becoming addicted to coffee. I used to eat when I was depressed, hence the lifelong battle of the bulge. More recently, I haven't been doing that and the weight has been coming off slowly but effortlessly. I am starting to notice, however, that while I used to pick up a cookie for comfort, I am now picking up a cup of coffee. Has coffee become my cigarettes? My crack?

Tomorrow I leave sunny, beautiful Austin for cold, chilly New York, but I am excited. Boyfriend and I will be there for a week, attending High School Friend's wedding, meeting up with old friends, and spending Thanksgiving with my lovable yet dysfunctional family. It should be great.

There will be more blogging shortly. I have more to say but I am swamped with last minute work to do at the office before I bounce :)

Mama needs a cup of coffee...

I had a great Halloween, man. I rocked my Rosie the Riveter costume all the way to first prize in the "What Are You?" contest. *Rolls eyes* Whatever, I still won. Defending costume champ two years in a row. I am especially proud that I decided not to spend much money on a costume this year, and the total cost was $1.67 (for a yard of fabric for my head).

After doing absolutely no work and palling around with my coworkers in costume, I went to a party with one of the teen girls I mentor. It was held at the boys home, and the teen boys were just as sweet and lovable as my girls are. I made melon brains the night before, which were a big hit.

Today I am trying to recover from steadily eating garbage for 24 hours straight.

I Decided on the Perfect Halloween Costume:

I'm home, and I hope to stay away from aircraft for a while.

My trip to the country with the folks was just fantastic. I rode a moped, drove a paddleboat across the lake, went swimming, shopped at a local flea market, ate barbecue (northern barbecue = burgers, hot dogs, chicken, macaroni salad... not southern barbecue ;), sang Pink Floyd songs very loudly with my mother and aunt and got a lot of fresh air. I was almost sad to come back, especially because it was the least stressful family time I have spent in years and I miss the little ones already.

I did, however, miss Boyfriend, and was forced to spend our 3rd anniversary away from him. My mother bought a cake, a card and a gift and forced me to celebrate it out in the country, which was really thoughtful on her part.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- ee cummings

Upon returning from the country, Mother took me to the cemetery. It was my first visit since the burial in April, and while I thought it would be emotional or difficult, it was neither. I felt like we were in a park. It didn't feel that there were actually people beneath our feet, let alone my father. We walked along the graves and looked at different stones and markers, trying to decide what we want for him. Some of them are beautiful, all of them are sad. A couple of people had double headstones but their spouse is still living, so one heart contains the name and dates of the deceased while the one next to it is still empty. Some widows and widowers even had their name and birth date chiseled in so that all they need is a death date and they are ready to go. Mother found that morbid. I just think it's realistic.

I have been thinking a lot about life and death lately, especially after talking to my family members about it. I will probably have more pensive posts forthcoming soon.

This past weekend has been one of the best vacations I have ever had with my family. Here are some memorable quotes:

Kid Sister #1, as we rolled up the car windows: "Why does New Jersey stink?"

*

Kid Sister #2, as we discussed Sister's dislike towards me: "Everyone should like you because you're so pretty."

*

Kid Sister #1, as I described that feminism is about believing that boys are not better than girls, but we are all the same: "Well... boys are a little dumber."

*

Baby Sister, after stubbing her toe on the door: "Shit!"