Yes, it has been a while. I was talking to Fiance this morning about turning in my Blogger account and calling it quits after 5 years. He made an immense sad face. So here I am :)

I have been busy - what else is new - because I am working on a nonfiction book proposal that I am super serious about. No, I can't divulge my topic or my ambitions, but suffice it to say that I have been waking up at 5am each day to write before going to the abyss.. I mean, office.

There's also trying to get out of my current work situation, including the strong desire to move back east in the fall. That's a lot of work. Getting a job is hard enough without being halfway across the country and trying to convince people that you actually are serious about relocating.

As for today, well, it's Saturday and I slept in until 9. Didn't do any writing or job hunting or wedding planning. I slept late and then I got up and made pancakes from scratch. Mmmm.

It's going to be a good day!

To Do List for the day

• Find food coloring for baking Christmas cookies. I lost it somewhere.
  
  
• Upload photos onto Mother's digital photo frame (Christmas present) while she is at work.
  
  
• Make a dent in cleaning out my old bedroom since Sister is considering a move.
  
  
• Do laundry.
  
  
• Start packing.
  
  
• Call and harass my former property management company since it has been 5 months since I left the apartment in great shape and still no deposit returned to me.
  
  
• Think about/order Baby Sister's birthday present.
  
  
• Exercise.

Holi-daze

Can't help it, I love lists.

• New fundraising idea from Fiance - mega yard sale. This is a great one for a lot of reasons - namely, my family is made up of packrats who are sitting on a goldmine of toys, gadgets, DVDs, etc. that they wouldn't even notice missing. Not to mention the fact that my mother has politely requested that after living elsewhere for over 3 years, I finally get my shit together and clean out my old bedroom. Sad, I know. Obviously I have tons of books and stuff down there. Does anyone still buy CDs? What if they are 50 cents to a dollar? :)
  
  
• Fiance left 2 days ago to return to his parents abroad for a month. Yes, it sucks big time, but I'm happy for him... somewhere inside... I'm sure I am...
  
  
• Mother and EFS took Sisters away to "the country" for the weekend and I stayed behind to hang out with Sister, whom I haven't seen much in the month that I've been back. She works 2 jobs and goes to college. She barely sleeps, and obviously doesn't have much time/energy to socialize. She's been making me watch a bunch of dumb comedy movies but I don't mind, it's just nice to be with her.
  





• I have a couple of close people in my life who just had babies and I want to give them a nice 'Baby's 1st Christmas' gift. Websites like Zazzle let you put photos on ornaments and stuff but it seems... I don't know, plain vanilla and overpriced? I keep thinking I could make a much jazzier photo ornament with some color in it. Looking for ideas online. So far, this is the cutest one I've found.
  


• I have always been a holiday-loving person. The last few years have been weird, what with all the tragedy putting a damper on festivities, but I would rather go through the holiday season with a few down moments than not at all. There's just something about it that excites me and makes me feel warm inside. We have plenty of traditions in my family - opening presents at midnight on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning, fancy dinners that Mom cooks, playing Christmas music in the house, baking cookies. I am trying to start some new traditions myself (ooh! it's a list within a list!)
  
  
  
  
  - Last year I created a Holiday playlist at playlist.com and it kicked ass. I've got all the classics on it - Stevie Wonder, Band Aid, Paul McCartney - and a new album I'm in love with, Songs for Christmas by Sufjan Stevens. Listen to some of them on playlist.com or YouTube or wherever. So good.
  
  - I would like to get into some Christmas crafts with Kid & Baby Sisters. There are tons of ideas online but it takes time to wade through them all. Kids love arts & crafts, especially *my* kids, and it's fun to do that kind of stuff together.
  
  - On that same note, Kid Sisters and I have been making handmade gifts together. For example, while Kid Sister #1 was home from school with strep throat last week, we got out the origami kit and made a couple of picture frames, then put their school photos in it and wrapped it for Mom. Kid Sister #1, who can knit at 8 years old, also made Mom a coaster. She's making one for me now. She's bummed because it can't be a surprise - she needs my help when she drops stitches. Cute.
  
  - Visiting a ton of family. I always saw one set of my grandparents for the holidays, but that was usually it. Now that my father has passed away, however, I am really starting to reevalute the meaning of family in my life and call up aunts, uncles, cousins, and such. It has been really rewarding so far. For example, a bunch of us cousins grew up together, playing together every weekend, and then for some reason, we fell out of touch as teenagers. A couple of us are now married, babies on the way, and reconnecting with them has been fantastic. It's great when I'm in town and can actually get together, rather than just calling from Texas to catch up.
  
  - I am tempted as all hell to put on a Charlie Brown Christmas play with the kids. I know, I am being psycho ambitious but I have never been home for this long before!! I always get 2 weeks with my family, but this year I have over 2 months.

Random Catching Up

I bet you don't believe me but I *so* miss blogging here. I don't even have a good reason for not, except a general lack of excitement about my everyday life. Since I haven't written in weeks, let me try to scrounge something up:

• Home (as in my family's home) for a month now and wrangled another month out of my job back in TX. Blessing and a curse as I'm sure those of you with your own residences who visit 'home' know quite well. Love spending time with all the Sisters, but too much time with kids is hard, as is everyday life around Evil Faux Stepfather. I haven't written much about him or his relationship with Mother since I don't feel right airing my family's dirty laundry so to speak, but suffice it to say that Sister and I cannot stand him and with good reason.
  
  
• Fiance and I have been spending a lot of time looking at wedding venues. It is really exciting but also exhausting. He is going abroad again tomorrow to spend another month with his parents, and while he is gone The Traveler is going to venue-shop with me. She is the PERFECT person to do it!!
  
  
• I also DIY gifts at this time of year. In the past it has been hats and/or scarves for Mother and Sisters, but this year I am trying to branch out. That means balaclava for Baby Sister (done), mittens for Kid Sisters (almost done) and Jay and Silent Bob fingerless gloves for Sister (in progress). Don't ask me how I am doing the last one - it was a vision I had involving knit gloves and felt and it is actually coming out REALLY well. I am planning to finish up quick and give them to her now so she can actually use them before Christmas. I'll post pictures, I promise.
  
  
• Trying to think of ways to save some dough for the wedding. Nothing earth-shattering has come up yet but let me bounce these off you:
  
  - Freelance writing/editing/blogging jobs
  
  - Saving pocket change in a jar (don't knock it till you've tried it, I've racked up plenty of spare $20s this way after a trip to a Coinstar machine)
  
  - Selling books and other things from my old bedroom, which Mother is threatening to empty out anyway
  
  - Putting in time to the Time Bank to receive not money, but services, in return (note: this is possibly the best idea I've ever heard of). I could get a graphic designer to do our invitations for free, for example.
  
  - Mooching my books to rack up points for Christmas gifts for Sisters
  
  - Eating out less and finding creative ways to go out with friends for less (haven't been successful at this yet, but cut me a break, it's New York City)
  
  Any other suggestions?

I Love Lists

And I can't stop making them. That must say something about my personality but it's too early for me to figure out what.

• I bought two new pairs of shoes yesterday. They are gorgeous and were cheap. You don't understand what a big deal this is - I NEVER buy shoes because I need size 10 flats that aren't hideous and, well, those rarely exist. Score!
  
  
• I brought a pair of comfy, cute flip flops for the Traveler and I really need to remember to give them to her when I see her. She reads this blog, hence the public mental note. They are in my size but they are too small nonetheless and they seem like her style, at least for casual days.
  
  
• Friday friends are coming over, Saturday, family. Does it get any better? The only thing I'm dreading is the cleaning.
  
  
• One of the best things about hanging out with Mother now, after Father's death, is that she has constant stories about him back when life was simpler. It makes me miss him but I can't stop asking. She wants me to visit the cemetery while I'm in town - I will, but it doesn't mean much to me. I've gone once after the funeral and it doesn't feel like he is there, it just feels like a park with gravestones.
  
  
• Apparently I got my love of coffee from him. My mother drinks it but doesn't need to every day, whereas he drank it not only every morning but all throughout the day. Yeah, Dad, kick ass.
  
  
  
  
  
• I am starting to really like the idea of having a flower wreath instead of a bridal veil and bringing some earth/nature/hippy-ness to the wedding. I think I could pull it off. I don't want a fancy, poofy, lacey gown anyway.
  

This not sleeping thing is hanging on. It's only been 2 nights so I am trying not to worry, but I am not an insomniac by nature. It must be all the impending change and the emotions/stress to go with.

I am starting to try to navigate the nuances of working remotely. I've done it before here and there but not for months at a time. I have to say, you would think that a person would be less aggravated when out of the office, but I find that I have even less patience for stupidity than I do in the office. Perhaps it is because when you are in the real world, removed from the dysfunction, you have space to think to yourself, "I don't need this shit." I bet this is why employers are loathe to let employees work from home. Such employees probably don't ever return.

Last night Childhood Friend and I had dinner and then coffee. It was great. We don't see each other or talk often but I love it when we do. It really is like no time was lost at all. She was kind enough to come to me in the not-too-enticing suburb my family now lives in since I am doped up on various vaccines and tired as all hell.

Latest news

• I have a few days left to pack everything up and put it into storage before going home to visit with my family.
  
  
• Friend From Work has turned me on to Civilization IV. How did I not know about this game before?
  
  
• CL Friend's baby shower was a great success. Woohoo!
  
  
• I have become a big fan of Offbeat Bride :)
  
  
• I leave you with this awesome video that I just love:

Another Weekend To-Do List

How did my to-do list get so long? And no matter how much I check off, there is more added on?

The last time I blogged my weekend to-do list I got a lot done. I don't know if it helped motivate me but I'm going to try it again.

1. Finish Mother's day gifts. √
2. Mail left-behind belongings back to the sisters. √
3. Bake walnut chocolate chip cookies for the girls I visit. √
4. Clean apartment (Oh, this is vague.)
5. Go to recycling center. √
6. Devote some time to working on my novel.
7. Go to bank.
8. Help edit Sister's final paper. √
9. Call grandparents.
10. Exercise.
11. Clothes shopping. √

(I totally cheated and did a couple of these on Monday - ha!)

Highly Optimistic Weekend To-Do List

1. E-file tax return √
   
2. Finish 1+ of the 3 articles I have due √
3. Begin backing up laptop files
   
4. Clean my apartment √
5. Do laundry
6. Hook up "new" VCR
7. Somehow force exercise tape out of old VCR √
8. Organize yarn stash
9. Declutter nightstand
10. Successfully replicate a couple of Mother's recipes, only vegetarian √
11. Call the Traveler, since I have owed her a phone call for about 6 months √
12. Take my recyclables down to the recycling center √
13. Exercise
14. Visit belly dance garage sale √
15. Put winter clothes away for storage, donating useless items in the process √
    

If I could get 6-8 of these done, I'll be a happy camper!

Every time I finish this post and log out, I log back in to add something. I've done it 4 or 5 times already. Dammit full-time job, why must you suck all of the time out of my life?

I am currently sipping my french vanilla coffee and swaying to Putumayo Presents Celtic Tides. Thank you, Public Library. Does it get any better than this? When I'm done with these, it's on to Arabic Grooves and Best of World Music: African. I feel like everything these guys put out is awesome.

I saw a throat specialist yesterday who said that my three recent bouts with severe sore throat is due to my tonsils. He said that he wouldn't recommend getting them out unless I am at my wit's end, missing work for example (um, check). He said it is very painful and it's a 2-3 week recovery process with a 2-3% chance of internal bleeding. Yay! Sign me up!

He told me to do a hot saltwater gargle every night, even when I'm not sick, as a preventative measure. He claims to have kept people out of the OR that way. I am torn on what to do. I would like to at least try it, though my friends who have had tonsils out say they wish they had done it sooner because they've never been healthier. Hmm.

Do you ever get tired of being sick? I sure as hell do. I had to go to the doctor yet again today. I also had to get blood work and now I have to see a specialist. I am not worried - it is never anything major, just low-grade infections that disrupt my life - but it is certainly hard going through life as an invalid.

Excuse my exaggeration if you are really an invalid out there. I know that, compared to some people and situations, I have nothing complain about. It is just getting old. Antibiotic after antibiotic, then... Hey, you might be resistant to these antibiotics, the doctors say. Well, that would leave me up the creek, now wouldn't it?


I spent much of the weekend introducing Boyfriend to Roots, one of the best pieces of television history of all time. He had never seen it before. I, on the other hand, grew up with it. It debuted on television in 1977 when my parents were in middle and high school. Mother always tells the story of how she would have to go around to the houses of her Hasidic Jewish neighbors and put the TV on for them so they could watch Roots on the Sabbath!

I have the entire DVD collection that I borrowed/stole from Mother. She is not the type to miss it, and she IS the type to misplace it, so I don't feel so bad. Boyfriend and I watched the first two episodes and some of the third. It is so powerful and tragic, and so well-done. I really need to read the novel one day.

Although I have to admit, as a child of the 80s, it is very strange to me to see all the enslavement of the poor guy from Reading Rainbow. It is psychologically traumatic for me, if you want to know the truth.

The other day I weighed myself after one month. It was severely disappointing. I don't know how accurate it was - last month after I weighed myself at the gym I went to the doctor a day or so later and was like 4 lbs less than the gym scale had said - but according to the gym scale the other day, I have lost nothing.

I shouldn't care. I got a new pair of jeans in the next smaller size from the ones I've been wearing for months and they fit great. I know inches are really what matters and sometimes you don't see the reduction in pounds, but seeing no progress on the scale was disenchanting. I am thinking of just gauging my progress by inches or clothes fit and stop putting myself through this!

Last night Boyfriend and I went to City Theatre and saw a production of August Wilson's Fences. I love that little theatre and we had a good time. Wilson's work is very powerful and the cast was pretty good. As I told Boyfriend, it is really nice to take a break from the movie scene and watch people perform right in front of your face. It is a totally different feel.


In fact, I have thought a lot about my year on the stage recently. I was in a high school production of Guys and Dolls when I was thirteen and fourteen, and working on a play is one life experience that you just don't get in any other setting. The camaraderie with the cast, the hours of your life spent practicing and perfecting, the feeling of putting on a production in front of a live audience... I do not consider myself an actress, but I would love to experience that again, perhaps in a community theatre or something.

I wish I could blog more often. The sad truth is that I used to blog at work. It didn't take chunks out of my day - 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there, nothing compared with the breaks the smokers take - but now my monitor is so on display that I don't feel comfortable. Could you imagine if a colleague found my blog? I would die of shame and probably be fired, perhaps not in that order.

Whatever I had a week or two ago survived and is now lodged in one of my glands. Another round of antibiotics for me. Yay! *Rolls eyes*

Sister is kicking ass in college. I mean, the kid has been there a couple of weeks after 5 years of no academia whatsoever and she's already aced some English papers and gotten a 100% on a math test. Her English prof told her that her first paper was one of the best in the class. She has also met with some of my old advisors, who are encouraging her and offering to help her plan next semester and apply for internships. Somebody pinch me!!

This has been good for our relationship as well. Sister never really bothered with me - she was kind of self-absorbed and I often grew frustrated with continually reaching out and seeing no effort on her side. Now she calls me a lot - often to tell me about a new school development - and it is great! She does not yet ask about how I'm doing, but we'll get there :)

My dance classes are going extremely well. I went down 2 belt notches and the other night I tried on an old pair of jeans in a smaller size, and they fit. They were kind of snug for my comfort but I should be able to wear them soon, which is exciting.

That's all for now folks. Maybe I will go nap...

I like the list method. It suits me.

• I may have strep throat. I went to the doctor yesterday and should be finding out today. Lovely.
  
  
• Valentine's Day was sort of a bust because of the (possible) strep throat. I had a whole fancy dinner planned but none of it came to pass because I was sick in bed.
  
  
• Valentine's Day was also awesome because for the first half of the day, before the illness set in, I watched movies, decorated cookies and ate chocolate with my favorite girls in the world (aside from my sisters) - the girls I visit on weekends. They even gave me a Valentine! :)
  
  
• I was in a knitting funk until I decided to start a super cool top for Sister. I bought Simply Soft yarn in a pale green and am working on it right now.
  
  
• Plans continue to be made for Boyfriend's Sister's wedding this summer in Bali. As in, Future MIL is asking for my measurements to make me an Indian outfit!
  

Boyfriend has brought it to my attention that I am neglecting my blog. I admit this, and in fact, I had already known. The fact is that my work life has ramped up, only slightly in hours but mostly in responsibilities, politics and stress, so that by the time I get home I am just laid out. So, my apologies.

The latest news with me is mostly work stuff, which no one finds interesting, least of all me. Re: family, Sister is kicking ass in college. I mean, I haven't seen her motivated in a long time (it has been a hard few years for my family, so I can't fault her too much), so this is totally exciting for me. She let me read and help edit her first paper the other day. It was written very well for someone who has not really written in about 6 years. She was always a talented writer growing up, forcing her stories and screenplays on the rest of us. My heart is very full, feeling so happy that she is coming into her own. People told me to wait and let her get a little older, but I didn't feel confident that she would do this. A large part of it is clearly the loss of my father. He always wanted her to go to college and all, and now she is doing it partially as a tribute, I think.

Re: leisure, I have been doing the normal stuff - reading, knitting, watching TV. The dance classes are new and they are so much fun I can barely take it. I am really encouraged that this might be the way for me to finally get in shape without too much suffering along the way. I lost 2-4 pounds in the last 2 weeks, and once my body stops crying after 3 classes a week, I will be able to ramp it up to 4. Not only that, but pretty soon you guys are going to want to be hitting the clubs with me :P

Updates work better in lists.

• I started taking belly dance and hip hop dance classes at the gym. I am literally oozing coolness right now. They are the most fun I've had in a while!
  
  
• My job has become soul-sucking and I now truly understand why people go "postal." One silver lining is a closer friendship with New Intern, who is no longer an intern, but a fellow sufferer.
  
  
• Sister is now in college for the first time in her life. It took a few years to get her there but I am crazy proud.
  
  

2009: A New Beginning

There's something comforting about going back to work after a vacation. (Oh my gosh, did I just say that?) But honestly, it feels like being anchored to something, like getting back to routine.

I love when a new year starts because it gives me a little push to actually do the shit I say I'm gonna do. I really eat that resolution stuff up. I'm not saying I'm successful but I do like to tell myself that I will be.

Some plans for 2009:

- reconnect with relatives who are not crazy and mean
- push myself even harder in terms of getting to the gym each week and not eating crap
- be more adventurous and try new things just for the hell of it
- go back to my Italian language group and work on my skills, not being intimidated by the prospect of failure

-

Astarte in her aspect as Warrior Queen exemplifies the independence and spirit that drives us to success, both in achieving goals and surviving life's battles.

I am determined to succeed

I should write about my weekend because I had a damn good one. Aside from the wonder that was downtown Austin at night with Christmas lights around and a classic movie at a class theatre - which I already wrote about - I did some other really fun things. After work on Friday, Boyfriend went to the Christmas party at the group home with me. I was really excited for him to meet the girls and find out why I talk about them so much. He met them briefly as they ran out to hug me while we walked up the drive, then bombarded him with introductions. "We've been wanting to meet you!!" they yelled. "We saw your picture and Sojourness told us all about you!" They were very hyper and excited because of the party, and we didn't get to talk to them much for the rest of the night, but it was fun. I get so happy just from spending a short amount of time there with them.

Saturday I got trained for a new kind of volunteer work I am considering. I know, I can't stop piling it on. I really can't. I get such a high that I keep looking for more ways to spend time I don't have free :) After that I had lunch with my women writer's group at my favorite Indian restaurant in Austin. The food was outstanding, naturally, and the company was delightful. The women were all older than me but I knew most of them and I always learn a lot from them with regards to my work. Besides, they are fun.

After lunch I drove up north to CL Friend's house for the baking party. I met a ton of new people and we made a ton of cookies. It was a blast but by the time I got home I was exhausted from all the running around. I took it pretty easy on Sunday, knitting, reading, and working on Sister's Christmas present (a scrapbook about Father, which was a big project that took several hours).

Last night Boyfriend and I got takeout from another good Indian restaurant and watched "The Darjeeling Limited," which we had both wanted to see. It was not what we expected but I enjoyed it and I think he did too. It was bizarre and quirky and meaningful and a fun way to pass the evening, especially with samosas and naan in hand. Though, samosas and naan can brighten up anything.

Questions

1. Why do I read the news when it only scares me?
   
   
2. Why do "Girls Cut" tee-shirts never account for larger girls? I would really like this one but I'll never squeeze into their "Extra Large."
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. Why do the characters on Party of Five piss me off much more now than when I first watched years ago? (And yet, I still can't turn away... like a train wreck...)
   
   
4. Why do I come down with nagging colds when I have all kinds of fun stuff planned?
   

I'm back home. Well, my current home, as opposed to my family/city-of-origin home, where I was last week.

Sadly, when Boyfriend and I returned to our apartment, our worst fears were confirmed - his coughing, wheezing, I-can't-breathe thing is definitely because of Cat. We had hoped it was something else: a virus, infection, whooping cough, anything that could be improved without the removal of our darling girl, but it was not to be. The woman who sold her to me picked her up on Saturday. Cat cried. I cried. It was traumatic.

Aside from that, I suppose it is good being back. I had a bit of a hard time leaving my family so I am not as relieved to be home as I usually am after those kinds of trips. I just feel sad. It seems rather obvious to attribute the sadness to my father's death, as these are the first holidays without him, but I am not psychoanalyzing myself much. Just sad.

On the bright side:

*My trip home yielded tons of ancient family photos that I scanned and kept for myself. I learned, for instance, what my paternal great grandmother looked like. I also got tons of pictures of my father as a child, and am enjoying pointing out comparisons between his looks and those of myself and my sisters.

*In the next two weeks, I'm going to two Christmas parties, one birthday party and one cookie baking party.

*I finally finished all the knitting for my little sisters, so I can get back to knitting for other people by Christmas.

*It is winter, and therefore I am free to spend my nights and weekends in pajamas, reading, writing, knitting, listening to music, watching movies, sipping hot chocolate or any combination of these. In other words, winter is the time for hibernation, and the only time of year where my homebodiness as an alternative to social ineptitude becomes socially accepted. Thank you, Sister Winter.