Update

I apologize for the lack of blogging - the last month has been a whirlwind, and this coming month promises to be more of the same.

I gave notice, I quit, I left my job and the beautiful state of Texas and came back up to the big city. I started a new job almost immediately. My wedding is in less than a month, and Fiance is coming up in a couple of days so we can look for an apartment together.

Needless to say, I caught a killer cold (in August) that I can't shake. I am fairly certain it is from the stress of all the change. But it is all good stuff. I am happy.

Things That Make Me Happy: 2 Weeks Notice

The drama at work continues through subtle hints that I will not be paid very much more for taking on the entire department. It never ends with these people. I am hanging back and waiting while they interview other people. If they want me in the end, we negotiate.

Meanwhile, 2 NY jobs are still pending, one of which looks extremely promising...

In other matters, we are getting down the wire on this wedding thing. Fiance and I spend all of our free time working on this. This week I've been finishing up the website and invitation and he's coordinating staff and choosing plates and flatware. Um, fun?

It Shouldn't Be This Complicated

Wow! I feel like a whole new blogger with this whole new look.

So my life just got a whole lot crazier. I will try to keep this concise without losing any important details.

Sojourness decided to move back up north by end of month whether she has job or not. She got guaranteed freelance work and a family to stay with and is ready to leave the state of Texas. She has worked for the same company for 4 years, the last 2 spent doing the job of the director, with no real promotions or raises to speak of, and it's time to move on.

Sojourness interviewed for jobs up north last week. She was rejected for 2 and 2 are pending, one of which has already expressed to her that she is the lead candidate. That job is an entry-level position that she is willing to take despite her 4.5 years of experience because it's a recession and she wants to be in that city and that industry. The other is a manager position looking for slightly more experience than she has, but she was highly recommended by the higher ups.

A few days ago, she was offered a chance to apply for a director position at her current company. The person who left it did so at least 6 weeks ago and no one considered her for it until they had interviewed people out there and figured out that they cost a whole darn lot. They are laying it on thick that she would be perfect for the position but she is suspicious they will try to lowball her. If she takes it, she has to commit to remaining in Texas at least for now, which is not what she wants to do. Yet part of her thinks to herself, "Am I going to pass up being a director to go be entry-level? How long would it take me to become a director somewhere else?"

She interviews on Tuesday. She found out yesterday that her direct supervisor has been trying to sabotage her behind her back, telling the hiring manager that she is going to up and leave when she gets married, though she has never even hinted at such a thing.

Wow, it feels a lot better to phrase it in the 3rd person as if it's not happening to me.

Another One Bites the Dust

Dropped the ball again. I blame work. Friend From Work (can't remember if he's #1 or #2 and too lazy to go back and check) is leaving the company. He's been a part of the company almost since it was started and his leaving is huge. I'm happy for him - he found a place that doubled his salary and won't crap all over him. We should all be so lucky.

Still looking for opportunities back home. Got some decent leads but it all takes time. I am just hoping to get out early enough so that I don't have to deal with the total aftermath of FFW leaving, which will be massive. He has controlled the entire marketing department for almost 10 years - the website, the newsletter and countless other tasks that are probably going to get reassigned to already inundated, underpaid marketing staff like myself. Well, his last day is Friday, so the option of dodging this bullet altogether is really not realistic.

My job search has become focused on the book and magazing publishing industries. I'm applying to be a reporter, staff writer, editor and marketing professional at a number of really cool companies, and some of them actually want to talk to me. So we'll see what happens!

Happy weekend.

Bitch Fest

Well, one good thing about having this anonymous blog is... Bitch Fest!!

I guess we all have days like this but wow, you know when every possible thing that can go wrong does go wrong? That was my day.

Fridays are supposed to be super happy. I had a lunch date with CL Friend and besides, it was Friday, so I started off pretty well. Then...

• New Boss was a jackass only minutes after 8:00 am. He got really nasty and passive-aggressive with me about my plans to have lunch with a friend since he wanted to schedule a half-hour meeting at 12:30 (who does that?). All I did was ask if we could do it at any other time and he made a point of talking about me to others, often in front of me, while being friendly to my face. Yeah, this is what I have to deal with folks. Meanwhile, every other department takes 3 hour lunches on Fridays.
  


• Stupid meeting where we had to stroke a salesguy's ego and it was heavily hinted that I should learn a new product because no one else has time. I kindly pointed out that I already do all the writing & marketing and am currently learning to manage the website singlehandedly (for no more money, mind you, and making less than everyone else anyway). So I'm kind of busy too. I love when I'm in a meeting and the higher ups ask, "So, who's going to volunteer to do this totally unrealistic thing?" then look directly at me and the other underpaid women in the room. Why don't you just ask "Who in this room has a uterus?" and say what you really feel?
  
  
• I get out of the meeting to find an email in my inbox that I did not get that job I really wanted. Not only that, but after spending 3 hours of my life meeting with 4 different people, they saw fit to have a random employee I've never had contact with send me a form email. Thanks guys. Professional.
  
  
• After work I went to grab a quick dinner to go and the strap on my beautiful purse from India ripped off completely.

Fortunately, the day turned around after work. I visited the teen girls that I mentor and we had a fantastic time. We made pizzas, played cards, talked about boys and laughed a lot. Thank God for that.

Wedding planning is coming down to the wire. 6 months away and we haven't officially sealed the venue. It's okay, we like a challenge :) I am also having dress drama but I think that deserves its own post with pictures...

On the career front, I'm still looking for positions and was lucky enough to get an informational interview with a fairly well-known publishing company. I applied for a job 2 months ago that they filled but I followed up for so long that the VP I had applied to admitted that I have interesting experience and agreed to meet with me. I've got another potential opportunity at a technology company. The VP there is constantly busy and hard to nail down, but when I do get him he seems interested. I am not naive or trying to believe that one of these will be the one, but I am hopeful and at the very least it motivates me to keep going despite the numerous silences from HR departments.

Jesus!

I have been so remiss here. I think that since I've started using and loving Twitter, I have reduced my insights (and my attention span) to 140 characters or less, and the thought of writing an actual blog post is, well, wow.

But here I am, Valentine's Day morning with my cup of coffee and a chest cold I'm desperately fighting. Childhood Friend arrives in a few days; I need to be at my optimum hostess health.

Not to randomly bring up religion :) but I've been thinking a lot lately. This is probably because I work for a Jesus Freak. Not the cool ones - and I do think there are some cool Jesus Freaks out there, I've met them - but one of the creepy ass ones. He keeps a bible in his office and when people ask him how he's doing, he says, "It is well with my soul." Yeah, that kind.

The thing is, this guy is active in his church and always goes out of his way to bring religion into any conversation, mainly to show how holy he is. But deep down, he's not such a great guy. He encourages me and other employees to lie outright when it benefits the business. He only wants to purchase promotional items made in China for dirt cheap, as if he doesn't know who's making them or why they're dirt cheap. He has offered to use his wife and college aged daughters as "babes" who can go to business functions and entice men to hear about our product. He talks about everyone behind their backs, including myself and his other direct report. When he makes a mistake, he tells others that we made it and assumes it will not get back to us.

And I can't help but think to myself, "Wow, I remember Jesus being a lot cooler than this." You know, I read my Bible, I remember Jesus, he wasn't a jerk. I look at my boss and think, "If Jesus were still around today, he wouldn't like you at all."

And I hope I'm right. Because that's a Jesus I can get behind. Didn't he tell all the righteous hypocrites to screw off, and went to hang out with the people who made mistakes like the rest of us but were at least open and honest about it?

Note: I know this seems strange after my last post that was quite hard on God, but I have been raised to see God in various characters or personalities. God the Father is the mean one. Read the Old Testament, you'll see. Jesus is the groovy Son who came later and mediated between us. "Oh, Dad is grumpy and all but he's not so bad. I'll explain it to you like this."

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Happy Valentine's Day! Whether you love a partner or just a family member or friend, we all love somebody so enjoy it!

Fiance is on a 13-hour flight right now, coming home after a month abroad with his parents. I can hardly wait to pick him up from the airport.

I am all over the place emotionally this week. I haven't been "home" (like, where I live) in 5 months and I have a bit of anxiety over moving into a new apartment and going back to work after all this time. I also have guilt and sad feelings over leaving my family, as I always do. Kid Sister #2 is hell-bent on returning to Texas and Mother seems open to allowing them to spend spring break or part of the summer with me, which is great news. At the very least I can focus on that. Still, it's hard when, for example, a 3 year old makes a pouty face and says, "But I going to miss you." There are no defenses against that, really.

In addition, I have so much cleaning/packing/farewelling to do in only a couple of days and I'm swamped with work from the office. Dude.

Fiance has been gone for 12 days. He'll be back in 3 weeks. Painful, I tell you. But we are getting through. I have my sisters to ease the pain, and he has his servants and swimming pool :)

After several years, I am starting to resent my work as a ghostwriter. It is draining to never get credit for your work, to have it go to someone else who hasn't done anything. I know this is what I get paid for, but it is hard. I just saw some feedback on an article I wrote. My boss, who supposedly wrote it, was hailed by the magazine editor as one of the top writers on this subject in business. (Would they still find it so compelling if they knew it did not come from a middle-aged CEO, but from an underpaid 20-something woman?) Such a high compliment for my work, but it didn't go to me. And instead of feeling good about it, I feel like crap.

This not sleeping thing is hanging on. It's only been 2 nights so I am trying not to worry, but I am not an insomniac by nature. It must be all the impending change and the emotions/stress to go with.

I am starting to try to navigate the nuances of working remotely. I've done it before here and there but not for months at a time. I have to say, you would think that a person would be less aggravated when out of the office, but I find that I have even less patience for stupidity than I do in the office. Perhaps it is because when you are in the real world, removed from the dysfunction, you have space to think to yourself, "I don't need this shit." I bet this is why employers are loathe to let employees work from home. Such employees probably don't ever return.

Last night Childhood Friend and I had dinner and then coffee. It was great. We don't see each other or talk often but I love it when we do. It really is like no time was lost at all. She was kind enough to come to me in the not-too-enticing suburb my family now lives in since I am doped up on various vaccines and tired as all hell.

I need a good "don't-lose-it" mantra for work. So far, I have been using "Serenity now!" from Seinfeld. Anyone have a better suggestion?

Hoochie mama?

Are we sinking?

"Rumors" straight from an executive's mouth that your company won't last the year are not very motivating. I have been working on a white paper but now I wonder, "Why?"

Maybe the sales will flow in during the 11th hour?



As Friend From Work #2 says, "We're on the Titanic, only there is no Leo DiCaprio."

This is a rant. It will be as civil as I can make it considering my current rage.

Since joining New Boss's new team in the new division, I have become the most senior team member. (It used to be Friend From Work, but now he is in the other division.) This means that New Boss gives me all of his work to do while he goes to lunches on the company's dime and schedules meetings to hear himself talk. He makes a high executive-level salary with the respect the title brings while I make peanuts and get no respect. This is the situation, and in this economy I have made peace with it. I have also resigned myself to the horrific sexism he spews.

If only it stopped there...

Today Friend From Work tells me that New Boss went to him the other day with a request that he change something on the website because "the girls screwed up." 'The girls' refers to me and Friend From Work #3. He went on to explain that we put the wrong information on a mailing piece. This man looked at the mailing and approved it for printing and sending. I have no idea what he is even talking about.

I cannot believe he is going around to other people in the company and blaming us for his own mistakes.

I wish I could blog more often. The sad truth is that I used to blog at work. It didn't take chunks out of my day - 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there, nothing compared with the breaks the smokers take - but now my monitor is so on display that I don't feel comfortable. Could you imagine if a colleague found my blog? I would die of shame and probably be fired, perhaps not in that order.

Whatever I had a week or two ago survived and is now lodged in one of my glands. Another round of antibiotics for me. Yay! *Rolls eyes*

Sister is kicking ass in college. I mean, the kid has been there a couple of weeks after 5 years of no academia whatsoever and she's already aced some English papers and gotten a 100% on a math test. Her English prof told her that her first paper was one of the best in the class. She has also met with some of my old advisors, who are encouraging her and offering to help her plan next semester and apply for internships. Somebody pinch me!!

This has been good for our relationship as well. Sister never really bothered with me - she was kind of self-absorbed and I often grew frustrated with continually reaching out and seeing no effort on her side. Now she calls me a lot - often to tell me about a new school development - and it is great! She does not yet ask about how I'm doing, but we'll get there :)

My dance classes are going extremely well. I went down 2 belt notches and the other night I tried on an old pair of jeans in a smaller size, and they fit. They were kind of snug for my comfort but I should be able to wear them soon, which is exciting.

That's all for now folks. Maybe I will go nap...

Boyfriend has brought it to my attention that I am neglecting my blog. I admit this, and in fact, I had already known. The fact is that my work life has ramped up, only slightly in hours but mostly in responsibilities, politics and stress, so that by the time I get home I am just laid out. So, my apologies.

The latest news with me is mostly work stuff, which no one finds interesting, least of all me. Re: family, Sister is kicking ass in college. I mean, I haven't seen her motivated in a long time (it has been a hard few years for my family, so I can't fault her too much), so this is totally exciting for me. She let me read and help edit her first paper the other day. It was written very well for someone who has not really written in about 6 years. She was always a talented writer growing up, forcing her stories and screenplays on the rest of us. My heart is very full, feeling so happy that she is coming into her own. People told me to wait and let her get a little older, but I didn't feel confident that she would do this. A large part of it is clearly the loss of my father. He always wanted her to go to college and all, and now she is doing it partially as a tribute, I think.

Re: leisure, I have been doing the normal stuff - reading, knitting, watching TV. The dance classes are new and they are so much fun I can barely take it. I am really encouraged that this might be the way for me to finally get in shape without too much suffering along the way. I lost 2-4 pounds in the last 2 weeks, and once my body stops crying after 3 classes a week, I will be able to ramp it up to 4. Not only that, but pretty soon you guys are going to want to be hitting the clubs with me :P

Updates work better in lists.

• I started taking belly dance and hip hop dance classes at the gym. I am literally oozing coolness right now. They are the most fun I've had in a while!
  
  
• My job has become soul-sucking and I now truly understand why people go "postal." One silver lining is a closer friendship with New Intern, who is no longer an intern, but a fellow sufferer.
  
  
• Sister is now in college for the first time in her life. It took a few years to get her there but I am crazy proud.
  
  

This is going to sound crazy but I feel more alive than I have in a while. My company is taking risks that are not all that smart or well thought-out, and making more demands of me than they compensate me for, and I am facing an uncertain job hunt in a down economy. And yet, I feel completely energized. I think this was what it took to shake me out of my damn complacency. I hope it continues to uplift me throughout the inevitably difficult process.

Things at work just got all kinds of scary. It looks like the company is set to split into two sections, one which will work on making the new product a wild success and the other that will maintain customers on the current product. This means a split in personnel and management, and new management coming in. It also means a few layoffs and shaving off.

My job is safe for now, as New Boss asked me to be on his new team, selling the new product. He told me that he was given the option to build his team any way he wanted, including hiring new people for it, but that he wanted me to be on it. He did give me the option, though. It will involve working 10-hour days and a bit of risk, but as we talked and I gauged the level of hysteria in the office, I realized that the overtime and the risk is on both sides. Boss and New Boss are going to the new team, while a new executive hire is going to lead the old. If I elected to stay with the old, I would have no relationship or history with management, and I hear that under them, "the company will not be the same size it is today." At least I have a good working relationship with the Bosses, and they value me enough to invite me over.

Of course, if either side fails, the whole company could go under. Thank you, those of you who are responsible for this shitty economy.

I have been stressed and sick with worry for the past two days. All of this has been hush-hush, with closed-door meetings and "this is sensitive information, don't tell your close colleagues when they question you." Next week all the shit will hit the fan and everyone will know the truth and be reassigned. Maybe I will be able to breathe a little easier then.