it's a bad thing to have a wireless internet connection ... it really is.

you sit yourself down and tell yourself that you're going to do work, you really are, and you have your books and notebooks and index cards and highlighters and pens and pencils and calculators and syllabi all laid out next to you on the couch - as i do know - and what do you wind up doing? obsessively checking gmail to see if someone decided to hire you on a sunday afternoon and reading other people's blogs.

you're a loser, you know that, don't you?

okay, now that i have finished projecting my self-loathing onto everyone, i will go back to work.

maybe.

okay, i'm taking a break from my life of reading and writing to ... read and write.

austin is being very nice to me. i got a 96 on my first paper, i got a job and will hopefully get another one soon, i found two different groups of people who get together for the sole purpose of speaking italian (and the occasional gelato), it's sunny, and i live near a cookie shop.

i think i made a mistake by taking on too much at first, but hey, whatever. this weekend i have to study for chemistry, do reading for two lit classes, create a presentation, prepare for an interview, finish editing a manuscript, do some editing for this CEO who is considering hiring me but wants to see if i'm any good first, and write an article for the college paper. madonna! at least meditation class doesn't start for a few days.

i'm, like, deliriously happy here. sometimes i miss home, family, friends, of course, but it just feels like for the first time i have the space to pursue what really interests me, and this seems to be the perfect type of city i was looking for - creative, eclectic, intellectual. my home city is like that as well but you have to go searching for it. it is a city in every sense of the word, there's no community atmosphere, everyone does their own thing.

you are going to love this. oh yes, you are.

i am searching and interviewing for various jobs, mostly in the writing/editing category if i can help it.

i just got a job as a freelance copy editor of erotic novels.

this is nothing if not extremely amusing.

in the words of the legendary sir paul mccartney, "i don't care, i'm gonna broaden me outlook."

Sunday School Teacher Fired for Being... Female!

go watch the video... you have to scroll down a little to find it.

i arrived safely in austin. love the apartment boyfriend found... love love love it. if aunt flo wasn't stabbing me repeatedly in the uterus, i would be having a grand old time.

although i think living two seconds away from a cookie store (that delivers!) might wreck my no-sweets plans. *shrugs shoulders* i could have worse problems.

i'm currently reading the autobiography of malcolm x. it's really interesting, although sometimes it is hard for me to remember that people are human. like i want "heroes" to be perfect and "villains" to be evil, and don't allow space for humanity. i keep getting annoyed when malcolm says something slightly sexist, and i think, malcolm, how can i admire you if you felt that way? but i need to remember that i will never find a perfect individual in the world - it's not like i'm one anyway - so i need to admire people for the traits i admire and not let the rest of the crap get in the way.

another example: i had to roll my eyes at andrea dworkin when she wrote the line, "men are shits and take pride in it." but i really did enjoy her memoir and admire a lot about her. so, whatever. draw the line where you will, i suppose.

i love airports with wireless connections.

just killing time until we board. i wish i could spend more time with my family, but i think this is a good decision. i think it is difficult to have to leave after just getting back from europe, but maybe i will get over it once i am in texas.

the sweets ban didn't last, but it was ambitious of me, no? maybe when i'm down there, we just won't buy any for the apartment!!

last night i went out with sister and her boyfriend and his friends. normally not something i would do, but i wanted to spend my last night with my sister and she asked me to go. i think sister's boyfriend is very cool, and very funny, and i enjoy hanging out with the two of them... but his friends? madonna. one of them wants to be a priest, yet when my sister was showing them the shirt she was wearing - a tee that says, find me on myspace - he said, "ok, now go like this" and he touched his nipple. i wanted to smack him in his face hard. then, when sister and her boyfriend left the table for a few minutes, he started telling the others domestic abuse jokes about beating your wife, which they found hysterical. i was fuming. this yutz also ordered "freedom onion soup" when the waiter came. I AM DEAD SERIOUS, HE SAID THAT.

but spending time with sister was worth it. she's awesome. she wants to visit us in texas, which is amazing because she never wants to travel or broaden her horizons or do anything, but i hope she does. i am excited by the prospect. i think she feels empowered with her new job. i was like, "will you save up money for airfare?" and she was like, "oh sure, i make that in a week," with a proud smile on her face. cutie.

i noticed that a lot of people were visiting me from the reign of ellen, so i went to check it out. i didn't realize i was a queen in her court! yay!

(queen sojourness. think it looks like me?)

i am so conflicted. part of me is dying to leave tomorrow, to go back to school and the arms of my love and some sense of normalcy. the other part of me wants to stay and take care of my sisters, to take responsibility for all the craziness in our lives. if i do that, i will never graduate or move forward in my life. i will probably go crazy with depression and frustration. but how can i just abandon people to live my own life?

why do i have to make that choice anyway?

I have decided that I am giving up sweets for the next thirty days. Yes! I am! It's like my own version of Lent ... sort of?

Hold me to this, people.

i'm so bored with blogger templates. i guess that's what happens when you blog for over a year and are as capricious as me. i have been looking for other ones online but nothing good is ever free. i wish i knew how to design one instead of being a big mooching loser.

not much is going on. i still have to 'fare le valige' because i'm leaving sunday and i haven't done a damn thing. the big red suitcase is still empty. i just don't feel like doing it, which is so not a good reason but it's mine.

in addition to rereading love (i heart toni morrison) i have been reading portnoy's complaint because i also heart philip roth. i am almost done with it and am still not sure how i feel about it. i had heard that it would be so funny, and there have been a couple of funny bits, but certainly not as much as it was hyped up to be. i am not feeling particularly prudish - the gratuitous, at times offensive, sex descriptions don't offend me - but i am wondering what the point of them is. so far, all i can gather is that they are to show what a deranged obsession this man has with the c-word. the entire novel is one big therapy session, as he keeps speaking to "doctor" rather than me, the reader. so perhaps it is all a way to build this grand psychological picture of the main character. i'm not sure. i will not know whether or not it has been worthwhile until i finish it. yeah, it's one of those.

in other news:

i just went to the dentist and had some happy gas. oh baby.

i'm cooking frozen french fries for dinner. no, vegetarians don't have to eat this badly, i just do.

sister's boyfriend (have i mentioned him? they got together while i was away) has wiccan parents, so when he comes to pick her up, the bumper sticker on his (their) car says, wiccan army: no, we will not fly quietly into the night! ha ha, that shit cracks me up.

this is an interesting alternative to a woman taking her husband's name upon marriage.

kudos to men who are willing to do that.