Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Oh Very Young

I have been feeling so dull and uninspired lately. I think to myself, "Didn't I have a blog? Something about spirituality?" but this is immediately followed by "What do I have to say about spirituality anyway? Who cares? Blehhhh."

On Friday I had to go to Fellowship Program Headquarters to fill out some paperwork. Ran into Fellow #1. Thought there would be many more but with everyone's schedules as they are they probably all went at different times. Lucky for this guy that he is the first one to be mentioned in my blog because now he gets to be Fellow #1. Anyway, after we finished with the paperwork we waited for the elevator together and talked a little. Our respective colleges came up, and I briefly mentioned that I had originally gone to another college. He asked which, and I told him (it's a Christian college). I explained, "I wanted to be a pastor back then. But I got away from that," and then chuckled, reminded of my teenage naivete. He smiled and asked, "Why?" I mumbled something about becoming jaded and then the elevator came. Whew.

The truth is, I was extremely happy at that college, despite the fact that there were some doctrinal issues that they made into academic issues (can't smoke, can't drink, can't dance) that I personally found intrusive. Oh well, I commuted to college so they had no way of knowing whether or not I lived up to their "universal ideals." (You know, it's a good thing I have Thoreau and Gandhi to justify my intense hatred for being told what to do, otherwise I would probably have some serious ethical issues with my past behavior. This is why a Christian marriage is indubitably out of the question for me!) I hated having to leave when I discovered that they were unequipped to prepare me for my true calling, and I was unequipped to keep paying a private school's outlandish tuition fees. But, in the end, transferring to the school I'm in now was the best decision of my life.

I wish I had enough of a clue so that I could, at the very least, categorize the various spiritual stages I have been through. Were those years in youth groups and Christian college something to scoff at, a big deluded mistake? Were they the only times when I was doing the right thing? Am I doing the right or wrong thing now?

Fellow Seeker hasn't gone to church in a few weeks, which is sooo me but is sooo not him. I told him that this Sunday I'll go with him. *Shrugs shoulders* It can't hurt. I like going there... more than I like attending "my church," which I don't go to anymore anyway. I just haven't been into it.

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