My trip to the country with the folks was just fantastic. I rode a moped, drove a paddleboat across the lake, went swimming, shopped at a local flea market, ate barbecue (northern barbecue = burgers, hot dogs, chicken, macaroni salad... not southern barbecue ;), sang Pink Floyd songs very loudly with my mother and aunt and got a lot of fresh air. I was almost sad to come back, especially because it was the least stressful family time I have spent in years and I miss the little ones already.
I did, however, miss Boyfriend, and was forced to spend our 3rd anniversary away from him. My mother bought a cake, a card and a gift and forced me to celebrate it out in the country, which was really thoughtful on her part.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
- ee cummings
Upon returning from the country, Mother took me to the cemetery. It was my first visit since the burial in April, and while I thought it would be emotional or difficult, it was neither. I felt like we were in a park. It didn't feel that there were actually people beneath our feet, let alone my father. We walked along the graves and looked at different stones and markers, trying to decide what we want for him. Some of them are beautiful, all of them are sad. A couple of people had double headstones but their spouse is still living, so one heart contains the name and dates of the deceased while the one next to it is still empty. Some widows and widowers even had their name and birth date chiseled in so that all they need is a death date and they are ready to go. Mother found that morbid. I just think it's realistic.
I have been thinking a lot about life and death lately, especially after talking to my family members about it. I will probably have more pensive posts forthcoming soon.