Don't Speak

Mother and I were listening to R.E.M.'s Losing My Religion in the car this morning. I commented on what a great song it is, and she agreed but added, "But the music video is pretty bad." She didn't mean bad as in not of good quality, she meant bad as in it goes with the theme of the song. I replied, "Well, that's how a lot of people feel." She said, "Yeah, but it should be about man-made religion and not about God." I asked "What's the difference?" She did a pretty good job of suppressing the look of horror on her face and calmly answered, "There's a difference." I didn't press the issue.

I am trying not to push my family too far. My parents already think that I have fallen from grace but I think they've accepted that it is not a top priority right now, and don't worry much about it. I could be wrong, but that's what I think. I used to get into heated debates with Mother, and I didn't just let things go out of respect for what she believes. Wrong? Maybe. I don't do that anymore. I don't want to upset her or make her worry about my soul, so I just throw in a few key points before shutting up. Another example of this was when Mother and I were visiting my godparents. Godmother was talking about a lesbian couple who had raised a daughter, and they allegedly pushed her into becoming a lesbian by influencing her to choose a girlfriend as an adolescent. Firstly, I don't know how true that is because I wasn't there... she could have just been a lesbian. Secondly, Godmother said that the girl probably thought homosexuality was normal because she was raised with it. I interjected, "But what about all the gay people who were raised by straight parents?" She thought about it and said, "You're right. I don't know." And I let it go. I love Godmother dearly and I am not here to bust through the logic of others. That's not the point of discourse. To me, the point is to gain a better understanding of things. But I have to wonder, am I (or they) gaining a better understanding when I stifle myself out of respect? It limits the conversation quite a bit.

Sometimes I feel like Hickey in The Iceman Cometh.