Yoga was hard yesterday, and quite painful, but I am glad that I did it and will go back. Boyfriend promised to do the next class with me.
The nutrition thing is what I have a hard time with. Exercise is all well and good, but how much can it really do when you have dinner immediately afterwards at a hamburger joint? I am working on it all the time ... what can I say? Just exercising regularly is more than I have done in a long time so I am trying not to beat myself up too much.
The meditation is working. Anyone who has been around me the last couple of days, as Boyfriend has, might not believe it, but I can feel a difference. Yes, I still have road rage and yes, my hormones are still a little off. My emotions fluctuate but it is not really my fault. I am also facing a few weeks in Austin alone when Boyfriend's parents visit the East coast and he goes to meet them while I stay at my stinky job (I kid, I kid), so I am both nervous and worried. But aside from all that, I feel more peaceful, more calm. Some things that normally set me off (the aforementioned ones notwithstanding) have not. I have taken upsetting things in stride and still felt peace. The mantras come back to me throughout the day, even when I am not meditating. Last night I changed it to "Shanti shanti shanti," or "Peace, peace, peace," which is exactly what I need in life. Peace. It is also at the end of T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land" which gives my meditation a literary feel. When I am more advanced I am going to add to it:
"Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata. Shantih shantih shanti."
I was thinking last night that I would love to go to the park with Boyfriend and lay in the grass and read "The Waste Land" to him. Doesn't that sound wonderful and summery? Only thing is it seems nicer in my head than it might actually be in the sweltering Texas sun.
"These fragments I have shored against my ruins..."