Wednesday, January 09, 2008
I forgot to mention that my birthday the other day was also my 2.5 year anniversary with Boyfriend.
The relationship I have with him is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. Love is a very confusing emotion - it can make you deliriously happy, anxious or even furious (with jealousy, for example). It regulates our emotions unlike anything else. It governs our lives much of the time. Our love for people, for hobbies, for work, for parts of ourselves, all indicate the direction our lives will take.
Because I am a young woman and this experience is new to me, I am often confused by it. For example, I am constantly looking for things to give to and do for Boyfriend. Not just for birthdays or anniversaries, but all the time. I'm always trying to figure out what I can buy, what I can write, what I can create, what I can cook, what I can say to make him happy. I am so driven towards this that it surprises me. He certainly does not demand it, but I try for as much as I can and even when I achieve it, I still believe that it is an inadequate expression of what I feel. I feel like in a lifetime I will never even begin to approach what I want to say to him, what I want him to know.