Saturday, March 11, 2006

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I have been agonizing over a decision for like a week now. My flight back to Texas is Tuesday morning. I'm going alone; Boyfriend is remaining here with his family for at least another week, if not longer. Every day there's the question of, do I go alone or do I postpone my flight?

It might not seem like a large decision, but it is. Going alone means the likelihood of being lonely (I've never lived or traveled by myself before). Staying at home means the certainty of being stressed, and I think that is probably worse than being alone! So living by myself for a week in a strange city will either be the best or the worst thing for me right now. Best Friend doesn't start her new job until April, so she is thinking about going with me, but there are no certain plans yet.

Every day I get different advice and I feel differently. Some people say to go and enjoy my time alone. Others say to stay and just go out with friends all the time so I'm not at home. My family is too demanding, man. This morning Mother asked me to babysit for about six hours. It was the first time I said no without having some plausible excuse. I just told her that I didn't feel up to it, and she knows about all the pains and dizziness and doctor-making-me-wear-
a-heart-monitor shit, so I figured she would understand. She didn't say that she didn't understand, but it was pretty clear anyway. She got visibly flustered and commented that Kid Sisters #1 and #2 would just watch T.V., implying that watching twin almost-five-years-olds isn't really much work. I was like, "Umm, no, they don't just watch T.V." In the end she got her aunt to come babysit, so I'm not as indispensable as everyone makes it seem. Geez Louise.

I don't like posting things about Mother that cast her in a negative light. She's wonderful, she really is. But I think venting here is better than walking around the house being bitchy, you know?

Today it was warmer than it has been in quite some time, and I laid on the swing in the backyard and read in the sun. It felt soooo good and I was reminded of my deck days in Austin, and I thought, dammit I'm just going to go, alone or not. Even if I am lonely, I can go to museums and libraries and stuff. I'm actually, finally getting a little excited about going back. I think I'm going to go through my bookshelf tonight and pick out another ton of books to lug with me, hee hee.


Anonymous said...

no more books !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my aprtment is creaking with the weight !!!!!!

hee hee


I gotta say, I never realized how much yer ma looks like yer sis. Scannin' recent pics of her it's apparent. Weird.