Wednesday, January 03, 2007

i do

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

since I've been back home, many of my friends have asked me when i'm getting married. my dad asked. bro asked. high school friend asked. my boss asked. fellow seeker's ex asked months ago after seeing a cute picture of the two of us.

marriage is an interesting thing. i don't really know what to make of it because i have seen many bad examples and the rest of my experience comes from the media and the unwritten code that asserts that you become boring, sexless creatures when you get married. the woman starts nagging, the man sits on his ass and expects housework done while he watches football... you know what i mean. i know that every marriage has its issues but i can't think of many healthy ones that i am aware of.

i have given marriage a lot of thought for a feminist my age. before i went to italy, i would have jumped for joy at a proposal from boyfriend. i am the type of woman who likes stability and wants one serious, reliable relationship. i do not like to shop around or date different men; it is not in my nature. i have found a good thing - an excellent thing, rather - with boyfriend and i am fully aware of that.

after going to europe, i realized just how big the world is and just how much i could possibly do in my life. i still want to marry boyfriend, but certainly not now. i will only be 23 this weekend.

then there are times when i feel like marriage will give me the stability i seek since my family has morphed into something it never used to be and there is not much of a place for me in it. visiting them is a wonderful thing, but i will never live here again unless i absolutely must. i have moved on to a new stage of life.

living with boyfriend feels like marriage and i am not sure what a ring and a ceremony would change. it is more the finances and the legal obligations that are the difference. will i wake up the day after my wedding and feel like our relationship is completely different? i don't know. it's possible but i don't see how.

i have met people who are committed to each other but do not intend to marry ever. they say that they don't want society's approval, as if their relationship only becomes legitimate on their wedding day. they feel that this will nullify what it was before the marriage and this is something they disapprove of.

i know that i am, as bro once called me, "the marrying kind." i would never be happy with just living together in my thirties, forties and beyond. i don't want to have children until after i am married. i guess i am pretty traditional in that sense.

they say you shouldn't make any important life decisions until 25 years old and above anyway because before that your brain wires are still developing and connecting, or something like that.

boyfriend and i have discussed getting married in a couple of years. some days i wish it were sooner - i want the wedding with family and friends and all the pomp and circumstance to celebrate what we have - but some days the waiting period is just fine with me. i need an in-between period instead of going straight from my parents' house into a marriage. my 20s are more valuable than i am giving them credit for, and with some hard work and probably a bit of luck, i will be married for decades to come anyway.



Hehe so you WERE payin' attention. :P Of course I asked mostly in jest; not that I don't think you two ever will, just know it ain't gonna be no time soon.

sojourness said...

heh i know, it just struck me because so many people asked me in, like, two days.

fp said...

big stuff