Monday, July 09, 2007

I keep having these bad dreams. When they are not terrifying, they are emotionally disturbing. Things happening that shouldn't, angry reactions and all kinds of chaos. I am so angry at some people in my life and it comes out in my dreams.

I started going to a new therapist; don't know if I mentioned that. I have seen her, I believe, three times so far, maybe four. She is okay. I don't feel as strong a connection with her as I did with the last one, but perhaps that will come with time? I don't know. The thing is, I don't always know why I'm there. I know I need someone to talk to, but I don't have a specific objective in mind. And she asked me in the first session, "What do you want accomplish?" "I don't know," I said honestly. "I don't want to be depressed anymore."

I am less depressed than I have ever been, living here away from the trauma with someone who fully supports me. Whenever I see her and she asks, "How have you been doing?" I say, "Fine." And it's true. I am fine. I am happy.

So why am I there?

For starters, I want to get rid of these bad dreams that haunt me pretty much every night.

I also specifically chose someone who specializes in 'grief counseling.' That should provide me some sort of clue as to why I even go. She told me, "You have many things to grieve for. I can help you do that."

Great. Sounds like fun to grieve.

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