Happy V Day

i love you much(most beautiful darling)

more than anyone on the earth and i
like you better than everything in the sky

--sunlight and singing welcome your coming

although winter may be everywhere
with such a silence and such a darkness
noone can quite begin to guess

(except my life)the true time of year--

and if what calls itself a world should have
the luck to hear such singing(or glimpse such
sunlight as will leap higher than high
through gayer than gayest someone's heart at your each

nearness)everyone certainly would(my
most beautiful darling)believe in nothing but love

-- ee cummings --

I was reading a blog post about Playboy in Indonesia and one of the comments was so great, I had to reproduce it here:

The real fight is not Christian vs. Muslim or East vs. West at all — it is between sanity and fundamentalism. The United States will never declare war on fundamentalism because Christian fundamentalists have a lot of clout in this country — but face it, if you took all the Christian Fundies, Zionist fundies, Islamic Fundies and Hindu Fundies and put them on an island somewhere to fight it out, the rest of us sane people, whether Christian, Jewish, Islamic or Hindu would live in relative peace.

By the way, we're not going. Yet. Stay tuned for more info.

Who's the boss?

I have the best boss in the world, no joke. I was nervous about talking to him about Indonesia. I knew he would be gracious about it but I just spent over a month at home and I felt like I was betraying the company or something. I envisioned this awkward exchange in which I profusely apologize. The exchange occurred yesterday but it was way better than I had hoped. He was very cool about it, saying that I could still do some work over there and that it will be a good experience for me. He gave me a ride home yesterday and told me about when he was fresh out of college and worked in Japan for three months. He said, "You know how three months can change your life more than 30 years can, if you use them right?" I nodded. He continued, "I suspect that's what it will be like for you if you go to Indonesia." I felt so happy that he wasn't even angry or disappointed.

On that note, let me say that for some reason my company pays like two weeks after you've worked the hours they're paying you for, so I am working full-time and living on part-time pay until next Friday. I have not had to resort to living off of my excess fat cells yet, but it will be nice to get my appropriately-sized check and feel like a grownup who can keep the electricity on.

It's a meme!

The deal is you have to write 10 things that you like beginning with the letter bestowed upon you. Andi gave me the letter 'H.' So I give you, in no particular order:

- Hot chocolate - Boyfriend recently bought a "Smores" flavor that is seriously yummy. I scarf it at work every day when I am feeling cold. It's my coffee alternative.

- "Hannah and Her Sisters" - My favorite Woody Allen movie of all time! I love the religion/searching for the meaning of life aspect.

- Hugs - Enough said.

- "(A) Hard Day's Night" - Classic. It introduced me to the Beatles, who gave my life meaning at 17.

- Henry David Thoreau - I'll be honest, I can't read "Walden" straight through without getting bored at times, but the guy was a genius and I have a serious crush on his brain.

- Harry Potter - I'm not a crazy fan, have only read three so far so you know I'm not obsessed, but I really enjoy them. The movies, not so much, but definitely the books.

- History ... as much as I love literature.

- Healthy food ... if done right. Tofu and veggies and all that knocks me out. I never would have made it as a vegetarian for over a year if all I was eating was salads.

- Halvah bars - *Salivates*

- Hair ... as in facial hair on men. Always drove me crazy and still does ;)

Danny Tanner was not gay

Last night was the Bob Saget show. Crazy stuff, man! It was in a very nice theatre downtown, and before the show, Boyfriend and I were standing around having a drink. (They weren't letting anyone take their seats just yet.) Just then I hear someone say, "Look who's here!" and realize they're talking to me. I look up to see Friend From Work and his wife. It was a surprise; I never expect to bump into anyone in Austin because I only have like two friends.

Anyway, the opening comic was a local guy, but he was pretty funny. Not bad. Then there was an intermission and afterwards, Bob came out. I didn't know what to expect. I knew it would be dirty - the guy is desperate to rid himself of the t.v. dad persona and goes to great lengths to accomplish this - but not much about his standup style. Some of it was very funny. Other parts were not so much, but we were laughing because it was like, "Did he really just say that?" The only thing I didn't find funny at all were his jokes about sleeping with his daughters' underage friends. I can take a dirty joke, no biggie, but some things should just be off limits. I'm sure he's not a child molester - wouldn't go around flaunting it if he was - and it was just for shock value, but I don't think that's a funny topic at all. I'm sure that anyone in the audience who has been sexually abused as a child would agree.

Anyway, some of my favorite moments:

- He's speaking to someone in the audience and asks, "Did you grow up watching Full House?" The guy says yes and Bob snickers: "Fag." Then Bob asks him what his favorite episode is. After he answers, Bob says, "Ask me what my favorite episode is.... THE LAST ONE. I mean, come on, three straight guys raising three girls together in San Francisco? Would never happen."

- He tells a story about he and John Stamos being in a bar together and freaking out a 17-year old kid in the bathroom by talking about Becky and Nicky and Alex and DJ and all them as if they were real, calling each other Jesse and Danny at the urinals. The kid was pissing all over himself, thinking, "Full House is REAL!"

- He constantly refers to "that fucking bitch Kimmy Gibler."

- He tells the audience that Joey/Dave Coulier shaves his balls. He tells us to tell all our friends.

- He tells us about America's funniest home videos that they received but could never play on the show.

- He ends the show by singing a song he wrote with the help of "the best composers of our time, the Backstreet Boys." The song is called "Danny Tanner Is Not Gay" and it is to the tune of "I Want It That Way."

Those of you who blog regularly and have for some time know that there are cycles. There are dry spells in which you don't want to write and feel unmotivated, and then there are moments of delicious inspiration in which you want to post every five minutes.

Contrary to what you may think, judging by how often I have been updating lately, I am in one of those appreciating-my-blog moods. I think about it and it brings a smile to my face. I love it. I think of things to write later. (The fact that it doesn't always happen aside.)

So although things are hectic and busy, I want to take time to write because it just makes me feel good.

Yesterday the Onion, the funniest newspaper ever that has recently come to Austin, awarded me a pair of tickets to see Bob Saget tomorrow night. I didn't think I would win them but sent the email in anyway... what the hell. Now I'm pretty excited. Not that I'm a big Bob Saget fan, but I have not been to a comedy show ever and I think it will be fun. Boyfriend and I saw him on Leno - and who can forget him on the Jamie Kennedy Experiment?? priceless - and are looking forward to our little night out on the town, thanks to the Onion. Woohoo!

Did I alert you all to the fact that I'm an ex-vegetarian and have been for a couple of months? I keep trying to remind myself to mention it. Oh, the fall from grace.

We have a fairly new intern, and I find it funny how men who haven't given me a "hello" or even a smile in the five months I've been working here hold entire conversations with her. Could it be because she's thin, blonde, and uses words like "Sweet!"

I wonder.

Excuse Me Ms.

Yesterday I got the rejection letter from Ms. Magazine that I had waited months for. I queried them in the fall to propose writing about my mentor's life. She was very influential and well-known, so it is not as if I asked about some high school teacher or something. They rejected it anyway. Ah well. I wanted to do it more for her memory and achievements for women and girls than for myself getting published.

I did get a chance, though, to write something about her for a newsletter put out by the Careers office at my college at home.

"Mentor was many things to many people: a leader, a supervisor, a board member, a college president, a chairwoman, a wife, a mother, a mentor, a friend.

While I would bet my life on the fact that she was extremely successful in all she did, I can only personally comment on who and what she was to me.

I first saw Mentor when I showed up for the morning breakfast that was precursor to my interview for the Fellowship. It was April 1, 2004. I walked in, extremely early and extremely nervous, and pinned my nametag to my suit lapel. Mentor greeted me warmly, looked at my nametag and exclaimed, “Oh, I remember reading your essays! I really enjoyed them.” I looked at her, mouth agape, and then she turned to greet someone else. The rest of the morning I was kicking myself for having been so nervous. How could I forget to say “thank you?”

She made the opening remarks, introducing herself and the others associated with the Foundation. She told us that we were gifted, and should have been proud of ourselves for being chosen to interview for the Fellowship, regardless of whether or not we were chosen in the end. If we were not, there were other fellowships out there for us, she was sure of it.

She was also one of the interviewers on my panel. She pressed me with provocative questions about politics, literature, my essay topics, my goals, me. I was intimidated, not because she was harsh or overly serious, but because she had an overwhelming presence that let everyone in the room know she was a great woman. You didn’t even have to know of her accomplishments to sense that.

During the next two years of my life, I was blessed enough to talk to, listen to, confide in and learn from Mentor. When my father was involved in a nearly fatal accident, Mentor called me and left me a message of hope and encouragement. I spent quite a bit of time in hospital waiting rooms just listening to her message over and over. She also sent me flowers, to let me know that I was supported and loved.

Mentor took me to lunch one day last fall when I was preparing to interview for the internship in Venice. Although I had become more familiar with her, I was still a bit intimidated when around her. I constantly worried that I would sound ignorant because her intelligence awed me. Over lunch, I asked, a bit timidly, “I know this is a stupid question, but how does one get around in Venice? Can you only take boats?” She launched into an indepth answer about the transportation system in Venice, a city without cars and streets. At the end of her response, she looked me right in the face and said, “And there is no such thing as a stupid question.”

I was fortunate enough to be granted that internship. It was my first time abroad and away from my family, and at times I felt a bit worn out and overwhelmed. Sarah, the other Fellow who had gone with me, constantly volunteered for every task, both large and small. She was exhausted some times but still she pressed on. I volunteered for tasks as well, but she put me to shame. One day I asked her, “Sarah, why do you do so much more than the other interns?” She said to me, “I know it’s silly, but I always think of what Mentor would say. Sarah, they need volunteers. Why aren’t you volunteering?” Even in Mentor’s absense, her work ethic and ideals for excellence resonated with us. Sarah’s reminding me of that fact inspired me.

When I learned of Mentor’s illness – while I was overseas – I was hit very hard. I cried at work for several days in a row, and each time my supervisors sent me home to sit with the grief I knew was fast approaching. I couldn’t imagine not being able to have more lunches with Mentor, to ask her opinion on matters close to my heart, to hear her give those nuggets of wisdom I had treasured for the past two years. After those few days, however, I began to listen to the Mentor in my head, as Sarah had done. I thought about what she would want me to do: sit at home crying, or take full advantage of the internship she had wanted for me? I knew my answer.

It was not easy to finish the summer, and it was not easy to come home and learn the news that Mentor had passed away. I hadn’t had a chance to visit her, no chance to say goodbye except for the letter I emailed her from Venice. The last time I saw her was at our Launch Party in May, when she was wishing us well and we were all saying our goodbyes. We had all been on the verge of embarking on one of the most incredible experiences of our lives. Experiences we would not have had without Mentor.

Mentor was an extraordinary woman. My life is only one of the many that have been forever altered by her wisdom, grace and kindness. I loved her, and I still love her, and she is still with me."

Love & Chocolate

Scribbit is holding a contest that asks for blog posts about love. I entered with my "Sentimental Mush" post. First prize is chocolate!! :)

I posted this story over at the Feminist Pulse and had to put it here as well.

Serious issue: Girls Gone Bad

Notes on a Scatterbrain

Boyfriend brought it to my attention that I am slacking on the blog. Well, I had noticed, but my recent drainage has left me feeling a bit empty. I am happy, but I am constantly busy and tired. I know it will pass, that it's just a small hurdle to get over, but I haven't felt like writing. Haven't felt like I had much to say.

Today Artsy Friend and I went to see "Notes on a Scandal." I wanted to see it because: a) I read the book a couple of years ago and b) Cate Blanchett is one of my favorite actresses. It was pretty good, too, but seriously creepy. Judi Dench played her role beautifully; I will most likely have nightmares about her tonight and it was not even a horror film.

We saw the movie at one of the Alamo Drafthouse movie theaters, which are so cool because there are waiters and you can order food and drinks while you're watching the movie. It was the first time I had been to one before.

I didn't make it to the church gig today. I got up, showered, and collapsed back in to bed after texting the woman concerning my flakiness. I always take on too much and then have to drop pieces of my life by the wayside. Sad, really.

Insane Ramblings

"See a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck."

Does that still apply if you just dropped the penny yourself?

I was wondering that the other day. You see, this is what my life has been reduced to. I feel like I'm stuck in the movie "Office Space."

I had a scintillating conversation with Bro this week about how good my box of chocolates is. It doesn't have any of the crummy filler chocolates you usually find. I immediately apologized for being so dull.

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Yesterday was Groundhog Day. I waited at the bus as I always do - the tired girl with frizzy, wet hair wrapped in a brown coat, clutching an overstuffed cheap Chinese purse over one shoulder and carrying her lunch in a plastic bag. When I made it to the office, I enjoyed a Breakfast of Champions - a diet Coke and an orange.

Anyway, let's just say I'm glad it's the weekend.

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(Short) Bulleted list of news:

* I am applying for a summer fellowship in Chicago on alternative journalism. It is very competitive and hard to get, which has me nervous because I really want it. I guess you never know until you try, or some shit like that.

* I got a job as a childcare worker at a Methodist church. (They don't ordain women, do they? I will have to put politics aside for money. How sell-out of me.) I start tomorrow morning. Pray for me, ye faithful, that these kids aren't monsters.