I think that Andi's post on depression is fantastically honest and accurate. Kudos to her for having more courage than I do.

Yesterday we had a blackout at the office. Apparently we were not alone, as this occurred all over the area, and we didn't get power back for a little over an hour. I joked with Friend From Work that we should make a YouTube documentary entitled "A Day in the Life of _____ Company" because as soon as the power went out:

• One guy dashed out of his office with his bag and left
• The CEO and others congregated around the pool table and started opening beers
• The IT guy nearly lost his mind - "My servers are overheating!"

It was quite funny, actually.

In other news, after work yesterday I went to visit a local group home for girls who had been abused or whose parents were in jail or whatever the case may have been. I have decided to volunteer as a mentor to them and so they wanted me to go by and meet the girls. Oh my goodness... they won me over in about two seconds. They range from 13 to 18 and are just great!! I am so excited to start hanging out with them. I have to finish my paperwork, get my criminal history done and have a TB test, but then I will be able to go to the house whenever. I will even be able to take them out to the movies if I want. I feel so good about helping out, especially since I am so far from my own sisters. And the group home is right by my office.

I am feeling really happy in my life right now. Sounds crazy because I am actually going through a rough patch this year, but I think that I am handling it the best I ever have. I cannot take credit for this, though, because I have a lot of help. Boyfriend is a constant source of support in ways I can't even express. My therapist is totally kick-ass. The gym is making me feel good about myself, as well as kicking up serotonin into my terminally sad brain. Plus eating well, and being successful with my writing... I just feel that I am finally in control, even though some things have gone terribly wrong.

Kurt Vonnegut once wrote, "I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" So I just wanted to do that.

Talks have resurfaced of spending some significant time in 2009 in Indonesia. This time we are in a better position to make it happen. And from Indonesia... can you say "Bali"?

You know that when we go I am hitting up some temples.


I am so excited I can hardly stand it.

I never used to be much of a tea person but I have been sucking down the hibiscus like it's no tomorrow. Don't know if it's a phase or not, but I just love it. I took it over my morning coffee today, and that's just not me!

Anyway, I probably neglected to mention that Boyfriend and I started going to the gym together a week and a half ago. Actually, that is inaccurate. Boyfriend started a few months ago and I started a week and a half ago :) I have only gone about 7 times but by combining it with really keeping an eye on what I eat, I am already seeing some small results.

I know it has been a while since I posted - an entire week - and I don't even have a good excuse. It is what it is. If anything, I simply love that picture and post and wanted to leave it up top.


I dragged Boyfriend to see "Brick Lane" the other day because I loved the novel so much. The film was - surprise, surprise! - not as good, but it wasn't bad. I thought that the casting choices for Nazneen and Chanu were simply fabulous.

I am also in talks with a local group home for girls about volunteering as a mentor. I am going to visit and meet the girls next week. Pretty excited about this one, folks.

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain?
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here...
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

- Pink Floyd

There are times in every relationship when you face obstacles. The peace can be disrupted by either mutual frustration, external forces or internal soul-searching. During such times, it is important to hearken back to the early days of love, to remember why you fell so hard for the person and why they are worth the struggle.

For example, when you wake up one morning and your boyfriend informs you that he has eaten the last of the peanut butter.

What? I cried. You're joking... He had to be. He doesn't even really like peanut butter. And to make matters worse, he had the gall to encourage me to take a banana to work... just a banana. The man knows I eat bananas with peanut butter and the occasional Nutella swipe.

Relationships are tough.

Okay, I am up at 4:00 AM thinking about religion. This is what makes me the Sojourness you all know.


Yesterday at the gym I got sucked into watching "America's Most Wanted." A couple of pictures of a child's corpse got me so upset that I found it hard to shake for most of the night. The thing that kept returning to my mind was, Believing in God is such wishful thinking. There is no God who could possibly witness this without intervention. If there is no God, there is likely no afterlife. We probably return to dust and that's it.

Does that scare anyone else?

It makes me wonder where my father could possibly be, if anywhere. It makes me fear for my own future of - let's face it - oblivion.

When I look at the worldview I was shaped with, the one that captivated my life for twenty years, I see it as a sham. I cannot convey how traumatic it is to have the earth shift beneath your feet, and all change.

Things That Make Me Happy: Hibiscus Tea

I recently had a chat with other college students and recent grads at my company. One of them said, "Have you ever dreamed that you were ready to graduate but turned up one credit short?" It turns out we have all had such nightmares. I told them that I have a recurring dream where I am ready to graduate but realize I have not attended one of my classes all semester, and it is too late to make up the work. Another one I have is that I have to take an exam in the class, but since I never attended I am really screwed. I am a big slacker in my dreams.

Anyway, I just had one like that, where I realized that I never attended my science class. I was pretty miffed because I thought I had the degree in hand, but I was going to have to take another class!

I am glad to find that this was only a dream :P

How it’s done:

* Answer each of the questions below.
* Surf over to Flickr and type your answers (one at a time) into the search bar.
* From the choice of pictures shown only on the front page, click the one that moves you (edited to add: unless they are lousy, in which case dig a little deeper).
* Once the page with your picture opens, copy the URL.
* Surf over to the Mosaic Maker, set up your mosaic, and paste in your URLs.
* Click “Create!”
* Save the image, upload it to your favorite picture site (if it’s not Flickr), and blog away.

Here are the questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. Where would you go on your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. Choose one word to describe you.
12. Your Flickr name?

Things That Make Me Happy: New Albums by Coldplay

I'm home, and I hope to stay away from aircraft for a while.

My trip to the country with the folks was just fantastic. I rode a moped, drove a paddleboat across the lake, went swimming, shopped at a local flea market, ate barbecue (northern barbecue = burgers, hot dogs, chicken, macaroni salad... not southern barbecue ;), sang Pink Floyd songs very loudly with my mother and aunt and got a lot of fresh air. I was almost sad to come back, especially because it was the least stressful family time I have spent in years and I miss the little ones already.

I did, however, miss Boyfriend, and was forced to spend our 3rd anniversary away from him. My mother bought a cake, a card and a gift and forced me to celebrate it out in the country, which was really thoughtful on her part.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- ee cummings

Upon returning from the country, Mother took me to the cemetery. It was my first visit since the burial in April, and while I thought it would be emotional or difficult, it was neither. I felt like we were in a park. It didn't feel that there were actually people beneath our feet, let alone my father. We walked along the graves and looked at different stones and markers, trying to decide what we want for him. Some of them are beautiful, all of them are sad. A couple of people had double headstones but their spouse is still living, so one heart contains the name and dates of the deceased while the one next to it is still empty. Some widows and widowers even had their name and birth date chiseled in so that all they need is a death date and they are ready to go. Mother found that morbid. I just think it's realistic.

I have been thinking a lot about life and death lately, especially after talking to my family members about it. I will probably have more pensive posts forthcoming soon.

This past weekend has been one of the best vacations I have ever had with my family. Here are some memorable quotes:

Kid Sister #1, as we rolled up the car windows: "Why does New Jersey stink?"

*

Kid Sister #2, as we discussed Sister's dislike towards me: "Everyone should like you because you're so pretty."

*

Kid Sister #1, as I described that feminism is about believing that boys are not better than girls, but we are all the same: "Well... boys are a little dumber."

*

Baby Sister, after stubbing her toe on the door: "Shit!"