I stayed home from work today. I emailed the boss to ask permission because I still feel out of it and asked if he has any work for me to do from here. He said he couldn't think of any... if he comes up with something, I will work on it, and if not, I just won't track any hours today and miss out on my pay. Whatever; I couldn't go in. I feel very weak and I think I came down with something because my right ear and throat hurts. Madonnn..

You know those journals that are, like, standard journal size and binding? You know, not the ones with spirals or pocket-sized or whatever... I'm talking about journals. Yesterday I couldn't resist buying a greenish one with flowers all over it because it reminded me of my teen years. When I was a teenager, I used to buy all kinds of journals with "pretty" things on them - flowers, butterflies, in all shades of pink. Then I used to stay up nights and write incredibly depressing poems and song lyrics in them. Ironic, I know. I wasn't a Goth kid by any stretch of the imagination but I was pretty dark. Not in dress or looks, but in soul.

So I'm taking this 60s class and I needed to choose a paper topic, something I'll really research and throw myself into and all that. I read two novels for the class and realized that the female character gets raped in both, which unsettled me. Then I remembered reading Andrea Dworkin's memoir where she talks a lot about rape. I found some info online saying the 'Anti-Rape Movement' (Take Back the Night events and all that) was born of the Women's Lib Movement of the 60s, so voila - paper topic. My professor told me to read Eldridge Cleaver's Soul on Ice. This guy from the Black Panthers advocated raping white women as retribution for all the black women who were raped during slavery and in present times by white men. He also said he would practice by raping black women and then go rape the white women. I'm all for civil rights and equality and sticking it to the man when necessary, but talk about a sick fuck who uses a political agenda to be a sick fuck.