I, for one, am SHOCKED.

I stayed home from work today. I emailed the boss to ask permission because I still feel out of it and asked if he has any work for me to do from here. He said he couldn't think of any... if he comes up with something, I will work on it, and if not, I just won't track any hours today and miss out on my pay. Whatever; I couldn't go in. I feel very weak and I think I came down with something because my right ear and throat hurts. Madonnn..

You know those journals that are, like, standard journal size and binding? You know, not the ones with spirals or pocket-sized or whatever... I'm talking about journals. Yesterday I couldn't resist buying a greenish one with flowers all over it because it reminded me of my teen years. When I was a teenager, I used to buy all kinds of journals with "pretty" things on them - flowers, butterflies, in all shades of pink. Then I used to stay up nights and write incredibly depressing poems and song lyrics in them. Ironic, I know. I wasn't a Goth kid by any stretch of the imagination but I was pretty dark. Not in dress or looks, but in soul.

So I'm taking this 60s class and I needed to choose a paper topic, something I'll really research and throw myself into and all that. I read two novels for the class and realized that the female character gets raped in both, which unsettled me. Then I remembered reading Andrea Dworkin's memoir where she talks a lot about rape. I found some info online saying the 'Anti-Rape Movement' (Take Back the Night events and all that) was born of the Women's Lib Movement of the 60s, so voila - paper topic. My professor told me to read Eldridge Cleaver's Soul on Ice. This guy from the Black Panthers advocated raping white women as retribution for all the black women who were raped during slavery and in present times by white men. He also said he would practice by raping black women and then go rape the white women. I'm all for civil rights and equality and sticking it to the man when necessary, but talk about a sick fuck who uses a political agenda to be a sick fuck.

You know you're in bad shape when you have to greet the PR woman who came in for a meeting with you and those you work with with tears in your eyes.

I don't know what's the matter with me lately; I have been so depressed. Boyfriend met me for lunch, then I went back to work for an hour, finished all my stuff and asked Boss if I could go home. So here I am at home. Doing some work, but nonetheless.

I got Kid Sisters to love modern art so I bought them some colored notebooks and funky pens, printed out paintings they like and pasted them onto the notebook covers for a fun present to mail home. Mondrian's Composition with Red, Yellow and Blue for Kid Sister #1 and Picasso's Maya with a Doll for Kid Sister #2. I wish I could see their faces when they get them. Kids that age get so excited over everyday things.

Man, I miss working in museums. I need to go visit one soon.

I have a publication itch; haven't had anything published in a while and am getting antsy. I need to rev up my writing and submitting once again. We shall see!

Notes from underground

I have had this photo of the Duomo in Milan (damn scaffolding) on my cell phone forever, now I've finally emailed it to myself so I can delete it and free up space. Woohoo.



I shouldn't have bitched about having nothing to write about, because now I've got stuff to write about, and it's a bitch.

My college just realized - took them months, they're pretty slow - that I am out of state and now, MID-SEMESTER, when I cannot drop the class I'm taking and get my money back, they are charging me DOUBLE because I'm supposedly out of residency or what have you. First of all, this is the most fu-koched (I don't know how to spell it and I don't care) thing EVER. If they were going to charge me that rate, they should have told me when I registered so I could have made an informed decision on whether or not to take the class. They had my TX address back then. Secondly, I'm not out of residency - I'm back and forth between home and here all the time. Thirdly, you can't drop a bomb like this on someone mid-semester. I can't get my money back by dropping it now. THOSE BASTARDS!!

Whew, okay.

I went to a new doctor yesterday for these anxiety/stress-turned-physical problems I've got. I was nervous but the guy was great. Geeky, but great. He spent a lot of time talking and listening to me, whereas I only see my doc at home for 3 minutes. I wait an hour (even with an appointment), he rushes in, he rushes out. This guy saw me at exactly my appointment time and stayed with me a good fifteen minutes, I would say. Woo hoo.

What else, what else... Went to the gym with Boyfriend last night for the first time since we left town. Didn't want to go because I'm a lazy fuck but God it felt good. Can't wait to go tonight. Don't you just love those first few days before reality sets in?

Ciao ciao folks.

I realize that I have been absolutely terrible about keeping up with my blog. I have no excuse save that all I do is work and study, and none of that is interesting enough to repeat. Boyfriend will not let me write about how amazing he is and has been for the past couple of days, but your gag reflexes will probably thank him for that anyhow.



So ... I got nothing. I have been writing all of my "writing" news on another blog, which I will not link to here so as to preserve the anonymity of sojourness! If you know and love me, hit me up for it if you care.

Also, I didn't realize how many readers I had here based on my low comment rate, but it is astounding. StatCounter tells me that I have seen 1,553 of you in the last thirty days alone. Madonna!

Back in Austin. Getting to the airport yesterday was loads of fun considering I was picked up by a crotchety old man in a crotchety old car who took the long way there, resulting in being stuck in traffic and spending an hour in the car when I do not live an hour from the airport. Not only was the man observing the speed limit (and then some), but he was eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cups while steering with his wrists. This annoyed me until he offered me one. Even so, it was a little stressful. I was at the very edge of sanity to begin with because of recent stresses.

Lessons learned:

1. Don't fly ATA airlines unless you're skinny, because if you have a fat ass, you're in for a tight squeeze. I know it's cheap, but you pay for it in human suffering.

2. Don't eat two kati rolls and two pastries, even if you spread it out over two meals, because you're going to come dangerously near to puking on the connecting flight.

3. Don't expect to come home to a journalism fellowship acceptance letter in the mailbox, because it didn't happen, and you suck.

Two Carnival of Feminists in a row - score!

Sojourness at The Feminist Pulse encourages her little sister's ambitions, with no help whatsoever from Google.

Parathas and palak paneer, oh my!

Indian food + winning Trivial Pursuit + reclining with Henry James novel + a tall glass of tap water that doesn't taste like shit = happiness.

Sister answered the phone from a non-local number none of us recognized this afternoon. The person on the other end said, "Hello, this is So-and-so from God-knows-where. May I speak to the male head of the household?" She replied, "Sure!" and then hung up.

There's something terribly beautiful in being in a house of all women.

Nothing much going on at home except family drama. Everything is okay I suppose, just stressful. I cancelled all my plans with friends because I couldn't get myself to leave the house. *Shrug* I will catch them next time I'm in town, I guess. I need to take some "me" time and some exclusively fam time as well.

But since I'm here, why not a meme??

Multiples of Five

Name one thing you do everyday.

Wake up.

Name two things you wish you could learn.

How to be a better writer and how to change what I don't like about the world.

Name three things that remind you of home.

Mom's Italian sauce. Children. Woody Allen movies.

Name four things you love to eat but rarely do.

Halvah bars. Brownies. Calzones. Indian food.

Name five things that make you feel good.

My love. My fam. My friends. Books. Sweets.

On the road

When Sister expressed an interest in driving, I directed her to the school - to the very instructor that I had. He was so good and put me at ease so much that I told her he was the only one she should learn from.

Today she had a lesson and when he was due to pick her up, she told me I should come out and say hello. I refused because there was no way he would remember me. After the lesson was over, she came in the house and told me that he asked how I was doing out of the blue. She told him that I had moved but was here now, and relayed the dialogue we had had about him. He told her to tell me that he wasn't leaving until I came out and said hello to him. So I did. He was like, "Why did you think I wouldn't remember you?" and I said, "Um, because it's been three years?" He laughed and said, "I remember all of my students." And he asked about Texas and how my driving was. Weird.

Home sweet home

I'm home tonight after a day of travel. The girls hugged and pulled at me, the baby didn't scream at the sight of my face... good homecoming.

Today my brown boyfriend and I were informed that we had been selected for random additional screening. Apparently this happens to him basically every time he flies, but it was a first for me. (Did the woman at the desk who fulfilled our seats-together request put a little note in the computer or what?) Anyway, it was unpleasant to say the least. They went through my purse, they patted me down as if I had weapons concealed... Ugh. But don't misunderstand me, I am all for airport security, since it is, you know, random and all.

''Those who would sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither.''
- Benjamin Franklin, founding father of the United States of America

Neither of us was running on much sleep and we had to connect in Dallas (hey, Andi!) which was a pain in the butt considering how close it is to Austin by plane and how short the total flight is generally. I became so delirious I was laughing hysterically at everything Boyfriend said and pretending to pick my nose and put it in his drink. I mean, seriously.

This morning the raccoon was still there, meaning he had been there all weekend in the rain. So this is about a week since his demise, and he looks it. The rain didn't help, ruffling his fur as he lay by the side of the road.

And one day his woman ran off with another guy
Hit young Rocky in the eye

I don't have much to say, have been stressed with family issues lately but other than that, things are fine. I am a bit nervous about that journalism fellowship I applied for. Technically, if I got it, I will hear by Monday, which is seven days away, but I am panicking and telling myself that since I haven't heard yet, it means I didn't get it. Screwed up logic. I dunno.

Random snippet from my journal that I think you might enjoy:

"If it were not for my love and for good male friends like Bro, I would be shooting at men from the roofs of buildings."

Today is a rainy day, and I met the only person from my failed book club who lasted as a friend for a movie. We saw "Amazing Grace" because I was dying to see it. She hadn't heard about it at all, didn't know what it was about or anything, but said she really liked it afterwards. So did I. You should go see it; it's about William Wilberforce and the abolitionist movement in England.

Neither of us could decide if we wanted popcorn or candy, so we got one of those insanely expensive, insanely large combo "deals" (they use the term quite loosely). Oh my goodness. A bucket of popcorn, Reese's Pieces and enough soda to drown a small animal. Gotta love a rainy day at the movies with a girlfriend.

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

- T.S. Eliot

I know I haven't been posting very much. The reason for that, believe it or not, is the whole switch to a Google account. I love the new Google acount - it is way cooler and easier - but I have two different Google accounts and have been doing work all week through my boss's Google account, so I can never blog. It inevitably signs me out of what I'm doing.

Anyway, there is not too much to say. There is a piece of roadkill on the entrance to the expressway that I have been pitying all week. It was a raccoon, very cute. I first saw it days ago and each day it is still there, only it's position has changed from being hit by various cars, I assume. Quite sad.

Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of Dakota
There lived a young boy named Rocky Raccoon

I'm going home on Tuesday for a little over a week. Boyfriend's coming too, though he'll be in and out, visiting his sister out of state. We are going to freeze our asses off but I'm glad to be visiting. I need a break.

Carnival of Feminists

I made it into the Carnival of Feminists once again, and this time I didn't even enter. Someone must have found my post or entered me... either way, woohoo!

And sojourness over at The Feminist Pulse brings up a topic that has sparked many a feminist argument with her post “Sex kittens and whores.” A look at “Anna Nicole Smith fever,” the post also dives headfirst into the issue of women’s sexuality. Are ”freely sexual” women sex kittens or whores? You decide.

Sleepy, dopey, happy...

I hurt my knee at the gym the other night because I am the master of overdoing things on the first day in order to make up for quite a lengthy lethargic past. Yesterday I couldn't go because it hurt so much. Today it's better and Boyfriend and I are going, but NO exercise bike this time!

I am continuing the cycles of getting nine, sometimes even ten hours of sleep and waking up tired. Needing two or three cups of coffee at work in the morning. I know some of you will say, "The more you sleep, the more tired you become," but it's not true. I am not oversleeping out of laziness. I am falling asleep at like 10:00 p.m., exhausted, and then I am having a hard time getting up. I don't know what it is, maybe my brain is tired. After all, I am always doing something. But then again, so are tons of other people and they don't have this problem.

Baby got bible

Friend From Work found this, and it's pretty funny.

Take a load off, Fannie

I have to say, I had a great weekend in terms of productivity. I watched "Easy Rider" and "Berkeley in the Sixties" for my class on 60s culture, finished reading a novel for that very same class, turned in and aced a creative writing assignment, and wrote some articles for my freelance commitments. Aside from food shopping and such errands, I spent most of the weekend in bed, working. It was great.

I seem to be developing a slight dependence on ibuprofen. For some reason, every day I have terrible headaches, at least twice or more throughout the course of the day. I probably read too much, but what else is there to do in life?? :)

Boss gave me a very tedious, lengthy assignment for today but I am almost grateful for it. I love things that keep me so busy that 5:00 comes fast.

Boyfriend and I joined the gym! First venture tonight. Pray for us unfitties :P I am very excited!!

Book meme

Look at the list of books below: *Bold the ones you’ve read* Highlight in red those books that you've read part of. Italicize the ones you want to read* Leave blank the ones that you aren’t interested in. (I'm going to make the ones I've read larger because it's hard to tell what's bolded in this whitish-grey font.)

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King) - I will finish this one day, I love the movie too much not to.
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C.S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant) - One of my top 5 of all time, I looovvvved it.
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. The Bible - Yeah, I read the whole thing when I was 16 or 17. The part with directions for building the temple was rough, man.
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood) - I enjoy it every time I pick it up but can't finish it for some reason. Am somewhere in the middle but it has taken me two years to get there!
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According to Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte's Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck) - I was like 15, it was too much for me, all the working in the fields and bloody childbirth.
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

Because a t.v. exec is what? Smart??

This is when you know society has lost all respect for itself.

Hmm, what is the latest? Boyfriend and I worked out a way to stay in the apartment we love for another two months, so that is good. (Who needs the stress of moving?) I began my creative writing course online and am doing well with it and having fun. (Only way to be.) Work is work, eccetera. (I know that's not how you spell it in English, I'm saying it in Italian.) Bro is getting his work published in a comic book, something he's always wanted to do. Artsy Friend got a scholarship to study in Florence this summer. My Italian friend got the opportunity to work in Germany for a year. Seems my friends are doing quite well for themselves and I couldn't be happier.

Other than that, life is life. Having the car has dramatically changed things for the better. I am not quite so exhausted anymore. Boyfriend and I are going to join the gym this week so I can get into a nice routine that involves something other than drinking hot chocolate and watching Sopranos.